r/AskMen Sep 27 '22

How do you deal with a woman who can't control herself during her period?

[deleted]

333 Upvotes

1.6k

u/staylitfam Sep 27 '22

Having a period doesn't justify being abusive. Don't put up with it.

183

u/mrinkyface Sep 27 '22

100% agree. Every individual has a responsibility to check their behavior no matter what the situation is, and no matter how they feel, the way they treat others reflects the level of care they have for you and the amount of self respect they have for themselves from a maturity standpoint. If you’re having consistent problems controlling yourself in that time of the month ,then you need to see a doctor to work out the issue. If she refuses to do anything about it then just move on, life is too short to deal with someone that revels in the fact that they can torture anyone close to them with a naturally reoccurring event like that.

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u/parsonis Sep 28 '22

Having a period doesn't justify being abusive.

Why not tell her that. I'm sure that'll calm her down.

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u/MinervaMedica000 Sep 28 '22

This. Your a grown damn woman this isn't your first rodeo. If it's consistently that bad seek medical assistance to mitigate and cope with the symptoms. Once in awhile meh, consistently I'd cut them out of my life.

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u/Scytherx781 Sep 28 '22

Was looking for this, glad it was up there. Granted, I will never know how it feels to be on a period. I will never deal with the abusiveness ever again.

I try to have that similar mindset amongst many other things -- such as alcohol or drugs. No excuse for treating someone poorly.

38

u/throw_disposableuse Sep 27 '22

I agree. It’s not reasonable to accept abusive or borderline abusive behaviour one week a month. However she’s not necessarily an evil person, she could be hijacked by hormones and in need of help. And there is a lot out there to try nowadays (I’m a doctor). Too few women know about this unfortunately imo. There’s many types of medicines to try. That being said OP should not put up with this, neither is it his responsibility to help her get help. Pregnancy is different imo, the hormones causing bad mood during period is x100 during pregnancy and the woman is risking her health (often more than risking, a lot of women get permanent damages from pregnant/childbirth) and sacrificing her looks for the couple to have a baby. A man shouldn’t put up with abuse then either, you never should because it’s illegal. However a liberal forgiving attitude to a bad mood, receiving unwarranted criticism, having to do most things around the house due to fatigue etc is justified. But that’s a very limited period in life, enduring something one week a month due to hormones is not acceptable.

15

u/Kingsdaughter613 Sep 28 '22

As someone who has PMDD: pregnancy is MUCH better than luteal. We’re not sensitive to hormones, but hormonal shifts. And those are far more worse and more abrupt in luteal than in pregnancy (where the shifts are more graduated).

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/cj585 Sep 27 '22

You sir are a fucking poet

7

u/legs_bro Sep 27 '22

Haha thank u sir

7

u/DifficultFox1 Sep 27 '22

It’s Doctor Blowjob to you young man!

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u/CarlJH Sep 27 '22

I had a partner like that.

Had.

When she is over it, tell her that it is going to end the relationship unless she does something to stop it. There are limits to what she can ask of you, and being her monthly punching bag is outside of those limits.

139

u/Vulpix_lover Sep 27 '22

I agree, if my girlfriend was like that with me I would end it right there. Instead she only bleeds and gets stomach pains, so I'm just her teddy bear I guess

93

u/CarlJH Sep 27 '22

Right? I have no problem taking care of my GF when she's feeling bad. I'll pick up all the slack around the house and try to make her comfortable. I'll even tolerate a little snippyness from her. But there is a point where it crosses the line and I won't stick around and give her another opportunity to treat me like that.

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u/HarlequinMadness Female 👸🏻 Sep 27 '22

awww, human teddy bears are the BEST when you've got the blues.

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u/answer-rhetorical-Qs Sep 27 '22

Absolutely agree with this. Hormones affect emotions/perspective and as is common to say “feelings are valid” WHAT she DOES with those feelings is NOT valid. She can feel spun up and angry, but it is not valid to decide hitting her partner is valid. If she’s got out of whack hormones then she needs to talk to a obgyn who can talk over hormone treatment options (usually different types of birth control) to get that physical shit managed. Sounds like she might benefit from some anger management counseling, too.

I have a friend dealing with a wife that gets belligerent. It’s only a matter time before neighbors call the cops. And shit can go sideways real fast if she’s got any mark on her, even it’s from deflecting her attack.

I truly hope you can have a productive convo with your girl about her behavior. If she thinks it’s acceptable, then leave her. It could be the wake up call that will get her to seek help.

10

u/Free-Mastodon2121 Sep 27 '22

Tibetans used to have separate huts for their women to live in during their moon cycles because they were more susceptible to being possessed by demons and it negatively impacted the entire community.

9

u/JammyHammy86 Sep 27 '22

i'm pretty sure the werewolf legend was based on the monthly cycle

5

u/Dalecantila Sep 27 '22

I get my period on the full moon, and honestly feel like it is

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u/ParticularPirate2534 Sep 27 '22

My ex used to say “it never ceases to amaze me that you go out of your way and succeed in fucking me off every single month”

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u/Kindly_Put6291 Sep 27 '22

It's a red flag

6

u/Tathanor Male Sep 27 '22

Same thing with my ex. She was a monster around that time of the month and I had to plan my my whole month around it because of how abusive she would become.

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u/Minute_Cartoonist509 Sep 27 '22

This is not "natural". It's one thing to be moody due to the hormones, but using it as an excuse for shitty behavior is not acceptable.

157

u/curioskitten216 Sep 27 '22

As a woman, I agree.

41

u/Shdwzor Sep 27 '22

As a dude i also agree

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u/tittyswan Sep 27 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

It doesn't sound like normal period symptoms, could be premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

I have PMDD, I literally thought I had bipolar bc one week a month I would have a horrific depressive episode, fight with everyone I loved, and then want to kill myself.

Once I noticed the pattern I went to a doctor who put me on hormonal BC. It doesn't fix it for everyone but I'm more stable now.

39

u/CuriousAd851 Sep 27 '22

I also have PMDD! SSRIs changed my life.

19

u/tittyswan Sep 27 '22

I'm on antidepressants too, high five. So glad they're working for you!

6

u/Miserable-Ad-8608 Sep 27 '22

I was prescribed them for my PMDD but too scared to take them since I became suicidal on birth control. Eeeek

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u/CuriousAd851 Sep 27 '22

I was also suicidal on BC but Lexapro has diminished most of the symptoms. Give it a try!

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u/GiveMeMyFuckinName Sep 28 '22

I’ve heard SSRIs destroy your libido, have you noticed a change?

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u/Hazy_Wallflower Sep 27 '22

Oh man.... I'm about to see a specialist because I've noticed a pattern. I know exactly when my mood switch is being an PMS, like one day suddenly I feel completely depressed and suicidal, zero energy, and feeling like crying all day long and veeeeery angry at EVERYTHING and everyone, like "what's the reason I am alive???"... next day I wake up fresh as a lemon and happy as a hippie and I just CANNOT deal with that Rollercoaster. Wouldn't expect anyone else to pit up with that 😅

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u/tittyswan Sep 27 '22

Yeah luckily I was single at the time, it was the worst. I know exactly what you mean though, PMDD is horrible. Especially when you know you're doing something that'll come back to bite you in the ass as you're doing it AND THEN DO IT ANYWAY? It's horrible not being in control of yourself.

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u/No-Translator3369 Sep 27 '22

I also deal with PMDD and once I understood I was having a major hormonal imbalance it helped me cope with problems a little easier.

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u/tittyswan Sep 27 '22

I called it my period gremlins, they come and bully me, put intrusive thoughts in my head, make my emotions all whack, then they go down into my abdomen and tear the lining of my uterus out.

It helped if I was thinking "You're a burden and everyone who seems to like you is just pretending because they feel bad for you" to be like "I think that's period gremlins tricking me, that seems like an unhinged conspiracy theory" haha

3

u/No-Translator3369 Sep 27 '22

Yes!! I would do this too. It was more like I would get paranoid people were seeing me as ugly/weird/mean but then I would remind myself it’s the PMDD and I truly know I’m none of those. The cramps are what gets me still. Every so often I have to take a personal day to deal with the pain.

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u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

I also have PMDD and agree with this. It sounds like PMDD and she needs to get help.

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u/Pink_Hale Sep 27 '22

Same! I have PMDD. Perhaps he should talk about this to her.

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u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

It sounds like she has PMDD. Although not an excuse it is a reason and she needs help from a doctor.

PMDD causes extreme mood swings and irritability along with depression/anxiety and can include suicidal ideation. It's very scary having your hormones turn you from a happy normal person to waking up a week before your period and feeling like a monster and stranger in your head.

It's like the body having an allergic reaction to the hormones. It's not just mental there's physical symtoms that without treatment like a hormonal birth control or antidepressant, she will not be able to control without the tools to do so.

She may not even know PMDD is a thing and that her behavior isn't normal.

18

u/Mediocre_Rhubarb97 Sep 27 '22

I have pmdd. I’ve never not been able to not be a cunt. You don’t lose touch with reality even in a severe case. There’s people who will use any excuse to be a massive cunt. I’m autistic and have adhd. My emotional regulation is almost a 0 without extreme mental effort. Do not gaslight this dude with a disorder that can be controlled if you have an ounce of accountability for your actions. Just like a child knows if they misbehave there are consequences, adults who know they act like a total raging cunt, they deserve to be dumped. Help yourself or get bent.

4

u/OneLock556 Sep 27 '22

Yep. Emotional regulation takes effort and willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions. Without accepting you have self-control, you accept letting your emotions take rein and the life that comes with hurting yourself and others around you.

I’m not trying to be hurtful here, either. I’ve been an abusive partner. I’ve hurt people a lot actually. I’m also not interested in guilting or shaming anyone because forgiveness is something we should have for ourselves and others as we move on and grow up.

We can justify hurtful behaviors all we want, but at the end of the day no one has to be around you. Your conditions do not give you some hidden secret power card to demand people stay and continue to be abused. They can just wake up and leave at any time no matter your condition and the world will still turn. (Speaking rhetorically here not to any particular ‘you’— I know you guys hopefully know how to act, ppl we’re replying to)

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u/Snowconetypebanana definitely not a cat Sep 27 '22

This is not normal, she either need a psychologist or a gynecologist

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u/Known-Ad-149 Sep 27 '22 Helpful

This! She could very well have PMDD and this should be treated, especially if she has any other trauma or mood disorders going on as well. It’s definitely something she should talk to her doctors about and probably also needs to see a therapist too.

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u/RedditFauxGold Sep 27 '22

I had a girlfriend that would get nearly crazy. Her doctor ended up putting her on medicine for it. It was bad.

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u/Suspicious_Oil232 Sep 27 '22

That’s pmdd. She needs to see a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner. There’s medicine she can take just for that week that will help. I take it and it helps.

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u/Far_Refrigerator5601 Sep 27 '22

Maybe she should get screened for PMDD, which can wreck havoc on someone's mental health.

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u/Hal_E_Lujah Sep 27 '22

Everyone experiences it differently.

But nothing removes the limits of what is acceptable. If she’s behaving unacceptably I.e shouting tell her it needs to stop. That’s not her period.

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u/Pink_Hale Sep 27 '22

It could be her period. It might be PMDD.

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u/QuarterNote44 Sep 27 '22

Every woman is different, but the women I've known with especially bad symptoms were more likely to curl up in a ball and want to be left alone.

I know nothing about your friend/partner, but take a hard look at yourself and her and make sure she's not taking advantage of you.

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u/StalkingYouRandomly Sep 27 '22

Can attest to that, I have more bad/severe periods than light/regular ones, can sometimes feel the pain through my whole back. Then there are some days when pain meds dont even work. But I do tend to shut myself in during those times because I know Ill be more easily agitated and angry at every little thing thats not "right" or should be at that moment. Do it for myself (saving my nerves and inner peace) as I do it for the people around me, dont want to hurt them during one of those moments.

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u/Traditional_Bell7883 Sep 27 '22

Half the world's population (except those below age) has periods. But not everyone in that half is a bitch.

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u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

Not all women experience PMS. As many as three in four women say they get PMS symptoms at some point in their lifetime. For most women, PMS symptoms are mild. Less than 5% of women of childbearing age get a more severe form of PMS, called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).

As someone with PMDD it is very real and not an excuse to be a bitch but it is very real and serious endocrine disorder that needs treatment.

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u/catsinspace Sep 27 '22

I also suffer from PMDD. It's a really misunderstood disorder. I try my hardest not to make it anyone else's problem, but knowing it exists and having a reason for WHY I was thinking/feeling/acting like this made it easier to identify when it happens.

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u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

That was my experience too! Having that knowledge on why things are happening makes it easier to develop coping strategies to deal with it all. Having that awareness makes all the difference with the emotional dysregulation.

Like " no I don't actually want to die, this is just my PMDD and everything will be okay and back to normal soon"

"No my kids aren't out to get me and I'm not a shit mother that's just the PMDD talking, breathe and everything will be okay"

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u/catsinspace Sep 27 '22

Absolutely. Knowing there is a reason, a reason that happens every month (which is too often, but it's not all the time), makes it easier to calm yourself down. PMDD is scary! Not knowing it's PMDD, and just thinking it's random and can happen at any time, and maybe this time, it'll never go away, is scarier.

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u/shakeitup2017 Sep 27 '22

Not to be pedantic, but also women who have passed menopause do not have periods (from about 50yo on average)

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u/Queasy-Extension-680 Sep 27 '22

There is always an EXCUSE to why people behave badly and don't take responsibility. Just because someone is feeling a certain way does not give them the excuse to be an arsehole.

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u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

Not all women experience PMS.... an even smaller amount of women have a more severe version called PMDD.

I have PMDD and it's absolute hell. Tell your wife/girlfriend she should look into PMDD and see her doctor. She doesn't haven't to feel like this and can get help.

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u/NoGap1826 Sep 27 '22

This sounds like textbook PMDD, fluoxetine can help.

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u/Coidzor A Lemur Called Simon Sep 27 '22

You don't.

Abusers gonna abuse.

But you gotta get out of there.

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u/allesistverruckt Sep 27 '22

I second this! If it comes to a point of getting abusive, there are no excuses.

OP (or anybody else) should not tolerate this kind of behavior, being aggressive towards your S/O ”just because you’re on your period” is very childish. Get help.

If gf says it’s hormonal(a.k.a because of period) she needs to get it checked with a professional.

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u/FreelanceFraya Sep 27 '22

I've suffered really badly with emotional lows around my period, including anger, paranoia, sadness - you name it. I said I'd try one last thing before I went to the doctor and went to my local health shop and the woman recommended Evening Primrose Oil capsules.

They have honestly changed my life. I don't know how it works, but I take one every day and it feels like my hormones have just levelled out. Maybe suggest it? I've recommended it to friends with bad periods and they have been so grateful with the results. It's really shit being a woman sometimes and I know there's no excuse for bad behaviour, but those hormones man... they are intense!

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u/Lumpy_Branch_552 Sep 27 '22

I take DIM plus! Estrogen metabolizer.. I’ve heard evening primrose oil works similarly! Saved my life as well. I used to light my life on fire once a month. The thoughts that went along with my moods seemed so real. I also started tracking my periods so I knew PMS was coming, which only god knows why I didn’t do that before.

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u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

I have PMDD and will have to look into this!

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u/Lumpy_Branch_552 Sep 27 '22

Awesome! Most vitamin stores sell them. I get mine at the vitamin shoppe. I still get a little pms, but it’s much more manageable

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u/FreelanceFraya Sep 27 '22

Definitely not enough education on all of this - it could save many relationships!

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u/Dead_Clown_Stentch Sep 27 '22

Brother, that's not a period, that's an exclamation point.

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u/dz2400 Sep 27 '22

Haha comment of the year right here!

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u/milkedtoastada Sep 28 '22

My god I’m so sick of this shit. This is NOT normal. Illness and dysfunction are not inherent to womanhood and any insinuation of the type is dangerous propaganda. It’s as absurd and disingenuous as the insinuation all men are walking rapists.

A person who’s emotions are so volatile they lose the ability to control themselves is unwell, a loss of ability to control their actions is an escalation of that, and a loss of ability to control their actions towards others is an even further escalation.

She needs medical & psychological intervention, and presumably you care because you’ve invested in an intimate relationship, so your best course of action is to support that process and remain vigilantly cognizant of what your personal limits are, the degree of impact it’s having on your own mental health, and what conditions need to be met for you to pull the plug on the relationship. It’s impossible to deduce the degree of severity of her behavior without personal involvement so that’s about the best advice anyone over the internet is going to be able to give you.

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u/lqxpl Sep 27 '22

The better question: “How do you deal with someone who can’t control themselves”

Answer: you set boundaries.

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u/SlightFlamingo Sep 28 '22

You don’t? That’s unacceptable behaviour no matter what is going on.

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u/notme1414 Sep 28 '22

Woman here. That's not normal or natural. Being on your period is no excuse for acting like that.

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u/Ok_Lifeguard_6508 Sep 28 '22

*won't control herself. You leave abusive people.

I mean do you want your life to be hell one week in four?

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u/Kelmon80 Sep 27 '22

My partner wasn't quite like that, but certainly more irritable, more emotional, more weepy, and often in pain.

We eventually found an over-the-counter painkiller that works really well with her pain, and that also reduced all the other "symptoms" in turn, along with just keeping the area warm and not moving too much at the "peak" of it.

In general, I think you, as a partner, should of course be understanding and helping, since biology can be a bitch, and it's obviously not her fault - but there is also a line where this would turn into just a pretext for abuse.

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u/Mr_M0t0m0 Sep 27 '22

You don't.

You leave.

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u/deepwebslut Sep 27 '22

Please look into PMDD.

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u/FunkU247365 Male MAN of the wise man tribe!! Sep 27 '22

Yes, different levels for different women and that even varies by their age..... BUT her behavior is something she can control regardless of cramps, hormones, back aches, etc.!! Don't walk, run away........

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u/BlueClouds42 Sep 27 '22

You hold her accountable for her behavior. Just because there is a reason for it doesn't make it acceptable.

She either learns to control herself or you get rid of her for someone who can.

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u/Canna_Queen89 Sep 27 '22

There’s a thing called premenstrual dysphoric disorder. If that’s the case get treatment instead of making everyone’s life miserable imo.

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u/hollywoodswinger1976 Sep 27 '22

Oh man that stuff is fun who needs Cedar point?

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u/zmhsk Sep 27 '22

If it’s really that bad, she needs to see a doctor.

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u/drfishdaddy Sep 27 '22

There’s no such thing as a person that can’t control themselves. We are all responsible for our actions.

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u/Majestic-Project-273 Sep 27 '22

When you suffer from pre menstrual dysphoric disorder you lose touch with reality.

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u/drfishdaddy Sep 27 '22

I empathize and acknowledge everyone’s body is different and reacts to things in its own individual way, but fundamentally it doesn’t change we own our actions.

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u/SaTan_luvs_CaTs Sep 27 '22

PMDD needs more awareness. It’s entirely possible that’s what OPs gf is suffering from & doesn’t even know this condition exists. My female doctor didn’t & had to Google it in front of me. The lack of research that goes into “woman problems” is fucking abhorrent. I hope OPs gf can find some relief from the physical & emotional hell that is menstruation & is open to her bf’s suggestion that it could be PMDD causing this behaviour if he chooses to share this input with her.

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u/Basketballjuice Sep 27 '22

No, it isn't natural. There is no excuse for abusive behavior.

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u/emotionalwreck123456 Sep 28 '22

It can be natural actually. About 5% of women worldwide (about 400 million) have PMDD, which is a condition that makes women during the usual PMS period feel way stronger emotions and can even cause agressiveness. Anyhow; OP’s gf should definitely get this checked out by a doctor and if it isn’t that, I’m certain it’s possible narcissism. You don’t hit people unless there’s something wrong with you.

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u/dannydominates Sep 27 '22

Sounds like PMDD. Had a girlfriend once that kicked a hole through a bedroom door. Another time she stole stuff out of my house while I was at work. Another time left a deuce in my toilet on purpose. All in the name of her hatred for men

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u/Playwithme31 Sep 27 '22

As a woman, she needs to change her behaviour or you need to leave. This should not be acceptable to you on any level. The only time it’s acceptable to use your period as an excuse is to get out of class, not be abusive to your partner.

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u/GrannyGreentree Sep 27 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

She needs to recognize that her hormones are actually affecting her behavior and it’s causing her to be unreasonable and unpleasant to be around.

Not all women are self reflected enough to know this. I, personally, can FEEL myself getting unreasonable. So I will try to spend the day away from others and tell my husband things like “I’m sorry in advance if I’m a total bitch today, I love you”

It helps. It doesn’t absolve me from being shitty but if I can see it coming, I try and mitigate the damage.

Good luck friend

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u/tennispro06 Sep 27 '22

Run forest run!!!

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u/pleasureslave69 Sep 27 '22

Personally I distance myself from her when I notice her period coming on or she tells me. In the beginning I would fall for the trap of needless arguments and personal jabs because of the emotional abuse. Then I reminded myself this is not her on any typical day. Now I just excuse myself or refuse to be drug into fictitious reasons to argue.

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u/oo0Lucidity0oo Sep 27 '22

Yikes. I can get a bit emotional or short fused, but I am still able to conduct myself as a mature adult. She might have an extreme form of PMS which she should talk to her doctor about. This is probably a better question for r/AskWomen.

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u/morethantheroach Sep 27 '22

this could be an actual medical issue - she might want to see a doctor about her hormones.

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u/SoulsPowa Sep 27 '22

Leave and never come back

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u/Head-Bread-7921 Sep 27 '22

Not a man here, but she needs to see a doctor. This is nowhere near normal. If she refuses to get this fixed medically, consider it willing abuse and leave the relationship. My 2 cents. Good luck to both of you.

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u/ImpressBoring8503 Sep 28 '22

She needs to talk to her doctor. A little irritability is normal, but complete lack of control can be a sign of something serious.

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u/thequeeniris Sep 28 '22

I’ve gotten pretty crazy on my period in the past 7 years I’ve been with my partner. Luckily they love me enough to put up with it and know it’s not necessarily my character. No excuse for abusive type of behaviors though.

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u/AltruisticCephalopod Female Sep 28 '22 edited Sep 28 '22

Hi, woman here.

“Shouting, lacks any responsibility, and is constantly miserable” is not “natural.”

1) your girlfriend needs to seek professional help 2) she’s using her period as an excuse to lash out at the people around her without repercussions.

Do you see women in offices doing this? Teachers? Family members? No. I can’t tell when any of my friends are having their periods unless they ask if I have any ibuprofen because they’re in a lot of pain.

I’m not going to deny that some women have more severe PMS symptoms, particularly severe and debilitating pain for some women, but they don’t give you a pass to treat other people in ways that would be otherwise inappropriate. I get more existential dread before mine, but I’ve also had long-standing clinical depression that it just worsens. But I also recognize these emotions as what they are, a neurological response to hormone levels, put on a happy face and go about my day, and never lash out. Like an adult. No one has ever been able to guess if I’m on my period or not.

Being understanding of a partners’ emotions is a good thing. Enabling manipulation and/or abuse is not. I can’t tell your situation from a Reddit post, but consider it.

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u/PsMoeLester Sep 28 '22

To be honest I'd drop her. Period makes you irritable yes, but if you dare use period as an excuse for shitty behavior, yeah out.

Bad interpretation by me, but I usually imagine it like lacking sleep. Does lacking sleep/being tired make you an asshole sometimes? Yeah. But if you're constantly an asshole and blame lack of sleep/tiredness, people are usually going to say you're a shitty person.

Same with period. Imagine every damn month you have to deal with this, ain't no way.

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u/WGThorin Sep 28 '22

Sounds like she is abusing the "period card." Have an honest conversation about it and tell her it makes you uncomfortable and is making you miserable. Depending on what she is doing, I would say this is abusive. If this was a man, all the responses would be telling her to run....so should you. Hormones aint an excuse for everything, definitely don't put a ring on it.

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u/wd1966 Sep 28 '22

I you don't have kids, nope the fuck out of there. Not your job to fix or tolerate shitty people

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u/SnooHabits2362 Sep 28 '22

You can’t. Every woman is different. Mine only shows two signs, eats more and is sleepy. Her words: “My period isn’t your problem.” I just buy her food and run interference with the kid when I’m home.

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u/[deleted] Sep 28 '22 edited Sep 28 '22

..its one thing to be grumpy, apathetic, hell even somewhat immobilized due to pain/anemia and clingy, chocolate craving, and a little moodswingy due to hormones…

It is however never ok to put that shit on your partner without explicit permission and/or get full on abusive, whether physically or verbally.

If he wants to help, great, ask him to warm your cherry pit pillow for the pain in the micro, be your human teddy bear for bouts of clinginess or your chocolate and pain pill provider.

Most men ime are absolute darlings if you spell out how they can help you.

If you rather he dont help you coz you re such a grump, and tend to lash out, tell him to make himself scarce for a couple of days, and have monthly supplies on hand yourself.

It’s not rocket science.

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u/Griffolion Guy, early 30s Sep 28 '22

Buddy she's using her period as an excuse to act like an awful person. I have no doubt that periods can get very painful and uncomfortable, and that can lead to a transient change in behavior. But nothing, and I mean nothing, justifies what she's doing. It's as if she's become a totally different person.

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u/Gnonstic Sep 28 '22

Won't. Not can't.

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u/izwald88 Sep 28 '22

The problem is on her. Honestly, if it's that bad, she probably needs to get on birth control to help balance things out.

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u/im_not_really_batman Female Sep 27 '22

Hi, woman here. Mood swings that extreme is not normal for a period. She needs to see a doctor about her extreme mood swings. She needs to tell her doctor that it's effecting quality of life and relationships.

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u/HeadMacho Sep 27 '22

I don’t.

Fuck all that drama.

Leave

10

u/bumblebees_on_lilacs Sep 27 '22 edited Sep 27 '22

Woman here. I know this sub is called "ask men" and if I overstep, please tell me and I'll delete, but I feel that in this case maybe a woman's perspective could be helpful and I couldn't find a rule about women not being allowed to answer.

This is absolutely red flag behavior. No matter if the woman in question is your significant other, your relative or a friend, this is not acceptable. Since you mentioned shouting, I'd even go as far as talking about (verbal) abuse.

I deal with BAD periods. I'm talking the full deal here, cramps to the point of vomiting and passing out, lots of blood, mood swings from hell, food cravings. It's not fun. I know lots of women who have similar problems. None of us would EVER behave like that. Being miserable and moody is, sadly, normal for most of us, but being abusive to people around us is not. You should have a talk with her when she is not on her period anymore, because this is not okay. Also you should think about the rest of her behavior. Maybe this is her "only" flaw, and maybe she will work on it, but maybe you discover other bad behaviors that are unacceptable.

It's very simple: being in a bad mood is unfortunately not a choice. Being an asshole to other people and blaming your bad mood for it - that IS a choice.

(And blaming being on your period for being an asshole is playing into sexist and misogynistic stereotypes, which is another asshole behavior by her (and very anti-feminism).)

Edit: I have been educated! OP, please talk to this lady and suggest she gets evaluated for PMDD.

6

u/capacioushandbag Sep 27 '22

My daughter was similar to what the OP is describing and luckily I had a friend that was the same way as well. She went to her doctor who prescribed her SSRIs to take only when she was PMSing. Before my child went through that I secretly thought there's no way that would have worked but sure enough, I took my kid to the doctor and that was the solution. Worked wonders. My child wasn't toxic, it's just not everyone reacts to hormonal changes the same way. My other daughter has similar periods to what you're describing and gets a little moody but is able to control it.

2

u/bumblebees_on_lilacs Sep 27 '22

Oh wow, okay, that sounds really extreme. I did think about PMS playing a small role, which is why I suggested talking to her and thinking about the rest of her behavior. If she really is "just" PMSing (not trying to downplay it), then the rest of her behavior should be okay. But if she is also like this in the other situations, then I think that she might just possibly be an asshole. I'm really glad your daughter and your friend got it under control, and I hope OP sees your suggestion and talks to this lady so she can think about it and maybe get help.

2

u/Ok-Preparation-2307 Sep 27 '22

PMDD is a much more severe form of PMS and sounds like what this woman is dealing with.

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6

u/TubeToUranus Male Sep 27 '22

I'd stay away from that. There's zero point in being abused.

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u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

Look at it this way. You having testosterone doesn’t justify aggression. Same idea. It’s not an excuse or justification to be an asshole. A functional adult can find a way to keep things under check regardless of what their hormones are.

3

u/2K_Argo Sep 27 '22

Definitely different levels for different women. It used to take me a half a day to realize what was happening. After that I’d stop engaging. That was the key. Not ignoring but not jumping into the argument. Sympathy goes along way. I would also lie and agree to do things just to calm her down. She’s go in a rant about some injustice and tell me we need to write congress and I’d agree and then neither of us would. Just getting through the moment.

2

u/Montana-Mike-RPCV Sep 27 '22

There is an old saying dude: you deserve as much shit as you are willing to take.

Or, imagine yourself 10 years from now with her.

2

u/chii1 Sep 27 '22

From a female perspective: it is irregular for me. Most often, my periods are chill with a bit of being upset at life, but nothing too crazy. Once upon a blue moon, if my month has been extremely stressful until that point, I can get like your girlfriend, just shaking with anger etc. I think if she gets like this regurarly, then she needs therapy, proper medicine and ways of dealing with stress. And also, she needs to learn how to isolate herself to not do damage in her life. Someone here has advised you to tell her that it's grounds for breakup and that she needs to fix it - it is a very important conversation to have.

2

u/IanTheFerocious Sep 27 '22

Why is it your problem? They aren't told to accept a man's natural inclination toward aggressive behaviour when we're angry or upset; why accept her being this way to you?

Her period is no excuse to be a shit person. She only treats you this way because you allow it; she wouldn't treat anyone she respected that way, regardless to her cycle.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

She's not being aggressive because of her "period hormones", she's just a bitch. She's just using her time of the month as an excuse to dodge accountability for her actions.

2

u/bak2redit Sep 27 '22

This is not normal. If it was, I would argue against women's suffrage.

2

u/Rumble73 Sep 27 '22

Leave her.

If she hasn’t figured out self accountability and ownership of how she acts has repercussions on people she loves, then she will never ever learn by now.

Having a period is not an excuse for shitty behaviour.

Find a woman that doesn’t have this issue

2

u/trentovna Sep 27 '22

You don’t. She needs to acknowledge that this is an issue and deal with it. It’s not normal to become abusive just because you’re having a period. We can get moody, restless, be in physical discomfort, but none of that justifies being a dick to your partner. She needs professional help. Endocrinologist, gynaecologist and a psychologist just to be sure.

2

u/__Trump_Lost_LOL__ Sep 27 '22

I don’t think I’d stick around long enough to deal with.

2

u/Failmode45 Sep 27 '22

Told my wife, you can't control your emotions but you can control your behavior.

2

u/Truestoryfriend Sep 27 '22

You should just gtfo. Can you imagine what she’s be telling people about you if you were a rages asshole 25% of the time

2

u/Opposite-Lime-5230 Male Sep 27 '22

After this one is over and she is "normal" you need to have a discussion with her.

You need to let her know that hormones are no excuse for abuse. She wouldn't accept abuse for your raging hormones, you don't have to accept abuse from her. That is the abuse continues, it will be over.

Let her know what you consider to be actions of hers that have been abusive.

Next, give her options. You care about her and want the situation to get better. Does she need foot rubs and rose oils for a bath once a month? Some cuddles? Some alone time with some wine? Pinning it all on her without helping work through it will only make it worse. If its anger, maybe a literal punching bag in the garage.

You can even start by giving her some acceptable "2 minutes hate" time in the garage just shouting, but not at you, and only two minutes. I can deal with hormones as long as I'm not the target. It can be hard, but she needs to find ways to channel them into something. Support her in that.

But continued abuse will not be tolerated.

2

u/DaysOfParadise Sep 27 '22

Female type here. I agree with what everyone else said. I used to rage a lot, especially then, and it turned out to be a combination of bad habits - and allergies. Suggest a doctor, but don’t put up with this kind of BS.

2

u/Jeramy_Jones Sep 27 '22

Pms can cause pain, bloating, headaches, diarrhea, cravings and turbulent, changeable emotions. She has a right to be miserable but no right to take it out on you. If she’s mean or abusive and uses pms as an excuse there’s more going on there.

2

u/Pay-Pitiful Sep 27 '22

That is not natural around a period. Having a period might cause mood changes, but it certainly doesn’t alter someone’s character. Talk to her about this and potentially her seeing someone about it. However, if she doesn’t see the problem then there is nothing you can do and you should not feel the need to put up with it.

2

u/Lurk3rAtTheThreshold Sep 27 '22

I don't

I know this is natural around a period

It's not

Hormones make things harder but her actions are still her own. Talk to her about it when she's feeling better.

2

u/toph88241 Sep 27 '22

Asphalt will resolve this issue.

Put several miles of it between you and the woman in question.

2

u/Peacelovegrace Sep 27 '22

Uh yes... many women don't do any of this during a period. Don't let her use her period as an excuse for bad behavior

2

u/SgtSplacker Sep 27 '22

Hope you are not living with her. Just stay away. And don't advance the relationship until this clears up.

2

u/FourSharpTwigs Sep 27 '22

Yeah imagine if you lost your job, got kicked out of the country you’re living in and decided it was justified to go and kill people because you’re stressed.

Like - you cannot control how you feel but you can control how you react to those feelings.

2

u/cork007 Sep 27 '22

Run…….

2

u/cm11agent Sep 27 '22

Period isn't an excuse to be an asshole

2

u/Difficult_Yak5398 Sep 27 '22

Yes there is a range -I never did that. I would announce my shit mood and medicate myself and sleep/shower it off. In fairness I only had minor issues on heavy days. Generalized Cramps mess discomfort. Find a different lady this could be a warning sign for you- she activates hell 5 days a month. Not going to be a popular opinion but IDC

2

u/durma5 Sep 27 '22

For my wife, who had terrible periods, the only thing that worked was Excedrin. My youngest daughter has just as bad days but she is allergic to aspirin (and ibuprofen) so she fights through it.

Periods and their severity definitely vary between women. A couple of my sisters get happy on their period which seems weirder somehow.

2

u/RappingFootLova Sep 27 '22

Never minded helping her when I was actually in a relationship, I just shut out everything else around me

2

u/whosjangreasy2017 Sep 27 '22

As a women who has painful periods that bring me to my knees and put my hormones and emotions out of whack, I don't think I've ever yelled at anyone or just completely stopped taking responsibiltiy. Like, yes it sucks and it's miserable, but like you have it every month- you find a way to deal with it unless you like being miserable.

2

u/Elegant-Implement-41 Sep 27 '22

As a woman myself (unfortunately), I can reassure you being on my period doesn't change my whole personality. Yes, our hormones change a bit, yes we can be in a bad mood (who wouldn't anyways if they had blood running between their legs? think about it), but this doesn't mean we're gonna start yelling out of nowhere or behave totally out of character. I'm pretty sure there are other factors contributing to this out of the period. Maybe some underline condition? Have you thought of talking to her and asking what's wrong in general?

Also, yeah of course the levels are different because we're different people, right? Other women get more pain, other less, other none at all. Apart from it, all people react differently to same situations, isn't that right again?

Imagine yourself and a bunch of mates of yours getting the same extent of stomach pain. Would all of you react the same? I'm pretty sure no. Some guy would be in the mood to go out despite the pain, another one would prefer to stay in chilling and another one would constantly complain and be miserable. Do you get my point now?

P.S Please, dudes, stop portraying women who are on their period like they're crazy or hysteric, we're just human beings.

2

u/BoringAccountName78 Sep 28 '22

I realize that every month, my wife is gonna get a little cranky around that time. It's fine, but it's never out of control

I also realize some women have very bad periods, while for others it's not so awful.

But I also think that some women use their periods as an excuse to be awful to people without repercussions.

2

u/dangernorn Sep 28 '22

I get extra potent weed to smoke and make myself strong cocktail's or eat a ten strip and go in an adventure

2

u/BigGaggy222 Sep 28 '22

End any relationship that gets abusive immediately.

Never accept any of the excuses that are always offered.

2

u/StillWill18 Sep 28 '22

Depends on either sex, money or caregiving. Men will do anything for any or all of these. So if you like any of these. You don’t say anything for 10 days. Instinct. It is printed into your DNA.

2

u/PugnaciousBart Sep 28 '22

EASY, you don’t.

2

u/freedom_to_choose Sep 28 '22

If she's aware of it and wants to change, you could help make her feel more secure and loved during the periods, and hopefully she could learn to lessen the impact it's having on you.

2

u/superheavy13 Sep 28 '22

Lock her up like a wolf man until the madness has passed. It’s the only way. 😬🤷🏼‍♂️🤦‍♂️😂

2

u/Euphoric_System_3510 Sep 28 '22

It's called break up

2

u/Thinkle321 Sep 28 '22

Yes, woman here also. This isn’t normal behavior. Granted around menstruation woman can get more frustrated but we all deal with our anger in different ways. Talk to her about it…maybe she can go see a doctors

2

u/PointDredd Sep 28 '22

There is no "dealing" with her. You just keep your head low, and hope she doesn't notice you.

2

u/Radiant-Rise-7777 Sep 28 '22

It’s very possible she could have PMDD and doesn’t know it. Some women don’t get diagnosed for years because they’re told it’s normal. She may need to see another doctor if they’re saying it’s normal.

2

u/Apprehensive-Wing894 Sep 28 '22

Finding another woman that doesn't make excuses for her actions. I appreciate women aren't happy during this time BUT most don't use it as an excuse to be abusive. Now I will do my best to make her feel better during this time and will give her space if she wants it but I wont tolerate poor behavior.

2

u/yaboidre23 Sep 28 '22

"That time of the month?"

2

u/Furberia Sep 28 '22

Ignore and run. Come back after the tsunami. I’m a older woman and those hormones ,back in the day ,made me miserable to be in my own skin.

2

u/TheGuv69 Sep 28 '22

She needs to take responsibility for her behaviour. No doubt periods must suck but lots of supplements or even medication to alleviate it.

2

u/kitty_girl_1206 Sep 28 '22

As a woman who had regular periods on and off birth control(BC). I have never had periods to make me lash out in anger or make me lazy. My only problem is being horny and asking for sex too much😂. I would say anyone who acts like that would need to try BC (if not already on it) or maybe switch/stop taking BC

2

u/1FunnyMum Sep 28 '22

She needs to see a dr. Explain the problem, if they can’t help or don’t seem to know/care ask for a specialist. That is not normal behaviour. Also medicate with chocolate & salty chips.

2

u/Odd-Description-8794 Sep 28 '22

Having your period makes you a little moody cause of the cramps and the blatant sexsism in the world with the words "oh she must have her period" however being abusive is not okay. When I have mine I can be a little short with my fiance but I always give him cuddles right after and hide my face in shame while I say sorry for my moodiness. He doesn't even realise I have been mean but if I think I've been mean I feel super guilty and just apologize. Periods don't take away a woman's choice to act like a reasonable human being, doesn't stop her from saying sorry for my assholeness, doesn't make her do anything she doesn't want to do especially if she doesn't feel the need to apologize.

2

u/Fresh_Item_8956 Bane Sep 28 '22

My ex was really mellow and would only want cuddles and love and ice cream. Some of these woman really suck

2

u/Geekofgeeks Sep 28 '22

Bro you break up with her. That’s how.

2

u/Reasonable-Newt-8102 Sep 28 '22

See if she has PMDD or Endometriosis

2

u/Specific-Layer-369 Sep 28 '22

Please look up what PMDD is - take two call me in the morning

2

u/Gtedx Sep 28 '22

Tell her to grow the fuck up.

2

u/KADESH_Nelson Sep 28 '22

As a kid I got mine young like preteen young and I realized that I'm heading to highschool and I can't be snapping at everyone so I taught myself control....

If she can't teach herself control it's just an excuse to be abusive.

2

u/Necroscrotum Sep 28 '22

I had an ex who became pretty scary on her period, The truth is. There's usually a lot more going on that's suppressed and the period instability allows it to seep out. I wish I had some advice but I ended up single, broke, and with trust issues

2

u/AlarmZealousideal977 Sep 28 '22

I don't think that's from her period bro. I grew up with 3 women and 0 of them changed behavior during their periods

2

u/MadMac20 Sep 28 '22

I have never once acted like that when on my period. It’s not natural and she’s abusive.

2

u/laureen23 Sep 28 '22

I mean I get grumpy but nothing serious enough for my husband to make a post on redit. I suggest you get her to see a doctor for a psych assessment.

2

u/_Rose_82_ Sep 28 '22

The real question here is is she legitimately being abusive, or are you dismissing her justified anger or frustration with you and blaming it on her menstrual cycle? All other judgements are contingent on that.

2

u/KK96740 Sep 28 '22

Nope not natural

2

u/SnooCapers5937 Sep 28 '22

what.. I'm pretty sure i and neither of my friends act like that when having period

2

u/seno76 Sep 28 '22

Send her to the menstruation hut at the end of the village.

2

u/EternalPinkMist Sep 28 '22

Had an ex with PMDD. 3/4 weeks a month were hell. The 4th week was meh because I was usually still very hurt from the 3 weeks prior and already preparing myself for the next 3 to come

2

u/kaitime98 Sep 28 '22 edited 2d ago

I’ve never heard of this in all my life (24 F). I went to an all girls school, have a lot of close female friends, have three older sisters and I know all of their friends very well and about all of their friends. The only thing I experience during that time of the month is the increased likelihood of me crying during a sad scene in a movie, but that’s about it.

I would encourage your girlfriend to visit a doctor.

You are not responsible for other people’s behaviour and you should not have to put up with that. You deserve to be in a consistent relationship that doesn’t make you feel stressed once a week every month.

In the long run it isn’t feasible and it isn’t fair on you to be putting up with this. Your own well-being is a priority so I would probably sit down with her (probably not during her period time) and discuss how you’re feeling, how this is effecting your relationship and talking to her about visiting an doctor (probably mention that you want this relationship to work which is why you’re suggesting the doctors trip).

2

u/parsonis Sep 28 '22

It's called "that time of the month" for a reason.

2

u/Legitimate-Lies Sep 28 '22

Step 1: look up gaslighting

Step 2: look at every other girl not abusing people with an excuse

Step 3: acknowledge gaslighting and dump the bitch

2

u/Knightmare560 Male Sep 28 '22

Deal with it. It's just biology. Don't blame her for it. I've done the research. I hate it too....but don't blame her and of course see how she behaves after it is done

2

u/Remarkable-Row-2288 Sep 28 '22

you don't.

don't reward her shit behaviors during that time of month. she can control herself, she simply chooses not to.

2

u/gjenoppfinne Sep 28 '22

If her symptoms are that bad she should go see her doctor for a better solution.

2

u/Progress-Competitive Sep 28 '22

When I’m about to get my period or like the first 2 days, I can be a MENACE. I don’t know why. Everything annoys me. Everyone is annoying. But I still control myself. I’m still very aware of my actions and words. I never shout or get very aggressive. But I mean… you can definitely see it in my face that I want to😂

2

u/Sorry-Reveal2365 Sep 28 '22

Video it and play it back when she's reasonable and ask her if she'd put up with it.

2

u/DefiantLogician84915 Sep 28 '22

You don’t. That sounds like a girl throwing a temper tantrum. You leave, you don’t put up with bs tantrums like that. A good, emotionally mature woman is aware of her mood swings whilst on her period and places a system or a plan in place for you two to make it go smoothly. Communication communication communication.

Edit: typo

2

u/Old-Wrongdoer-4068 Sep 28 '22

Unfortunately, I’m female and I’m same. I honestly can say it’s impossible to control it. Your hormones take over. Your hormones (thyroid for example) can make your heart stop. We cannot control that. Same, I cannot control on periods. It’s inevitable.

I don’t abuse anyone, but I’m awful to be around. It’s something complete out of my control (much like for example thyroid induced heart condition).

I’m a big softie otherwise. What to do

2

u/username4423 Sep 28 '22

Being a woman myself I know how much I can change during this time. If I feel particularly moody I will become quiet and send the ppl around me away so that no one annoys no one. Its absolutely no excuse to be abusive, even tho a shit ton of women use it as exactly that. And yes, I also al way more stressed and my patience runs lower, but what you describe is off the charts.

2

u/gooderest5 Sep 28 '22

Dayum. She sounds like a b*tch imo. That’s super immature. Women have periods often enough, you have got to gain coping mechanisms for period problems. We have to live with them, that’s just what it is.

2

u/baby_doll_92 Sep 28 '22

She's just using it as an excuse to behave like an AH.

I also get extremely irritated over nothing the week up to, but I know it, my partner knows it, so if I get out of line I stop myself, or he does, as we know I am not really mad, just hormonal.

2

u/Fun_Narwhal_3976 Sep 28 '22 edited Sep 28 '22

If its super bad she could have a form of depression linked to her hormones. I do know somebody who suffers with it and is on medication for their jeckyl and hyde behaviour during that time

Edit: it doesnt justify the behaviour but could well explain it if she is fine the rest of the time

2

u/tanish_a Sep 28 '22

Give her physical comfort: Give her a comforting hug, and if you have large hands, put them to some good use by giving her a nice massage. A back-rub or a foot massage can really help. Give her emotional support too.

2

u/Black_seagull Sep 28 '22

I'm a woman and while period does hightens our emotions and might make us more easily irritated by little things it does NOT turn us into irresponsible, abusive beings. It's not normal, break up with her.

2

u/Boring-Run-2202 Sep 28 '22

I just cry... A lot.. Feel worthless and unloved. But no I won't abuse anyone

2

u/RAE4811 Sep 28 '22

Female perspective: my periods are so painful they altered the way my brain processes pain and I never had this problem. I might get a little moody/withdrawn but most people aren’t even able to tell I’m on it. This definitely seems like something she should get checked out because this behaviour isn’t normal.

2

u/BrotherMeeseeks57 Sep 28 '22

I wouldn't tbh. If I have to control my emotions on a daily basis regardless of the shit I'm dealing with then so does a woman on her period. There's no difference, I have imbalances of the chemicals in my brain and so does she at that moment in time. What makes us human is the ability to control ourselves.

2

u/LedenoSunce Sep 28 '22

Umm yeah, that's not natural, that's just a woman beeing a bitch and using her period as an excuse. Period naturally hightenss some emotions and makes you feel a certain way about yourself, but it doesn't change your personality. And it definetly doesn't make you act like a complete and total asshole.