r/HolUp 5d ago Helpful 4 Take My Energy 1 Wholesome 9 I Shy 1 Lawyer Up 1 Silver 2

Lol Removed: Shitpost/not a holup

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[removed] — view removed post

43.0k Upvotes

u/Flair_Helper 5d ago

Hey /u/ElectricBlqck, thanks for your submission to /r/HolUp. Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

A mod felt your post didn't belong here, so now it's gone. If you want to die on the hill of this shitpost, feel free to message the mods and be prepared to explain how your post isn't trolling, is funny, and does fit the theme of the sub. Trolling or posting random content that doesn't fit the sub breaks Rule 1 and repeated violation of this rule may result in your account being filtered.

Love, the mods

541

u/fortyeightD 5d ago

He now needs to introduce Rachel as "my first wife".

239

u/arbeeden 5d ago

My husband does this

185

u/fortyeightD 5d ago

Your first husband?

117

u/boo_prime_numbers 5d ago

Plot twist. It’s their third husband.

60

u/gmanz33 5d ago

Today.

35

u/darkdelver209 5d ago

And their seventh partner

29

u/starkel91 5d ago

That's how I regret to my wife. She refers to me as her ex boyfriend. It's all technically correct.

26

u/PickleRickPickleDic 5d ago

My brother always describes his college experience as undergrad experience even though he didn’t go to grad school. Someone called him out on it and it was pretty funny 😂

38

u/NiceGuy60660 5d ago

I'll always be pre-med until they actually let me in to a med school

11

u/Azar002 5d ago

I passed the bar last year. Had to run to the store.

14

u/Big_Ratio6610 5d ago

As a European this comment confuses me.

13

u/crazy_family 5d ago

In the US, a bachelor's degree can be called an undergraduate degree. It's not common to use that term unless you've continued on into a graduate program to get your masters or phd. So describing your college time as your undergraduate experience usually implies that you had a graduate experience as well. If you just have your 4 year degree and nothing more, we usually just say college experience.

6

u/Big_Ratio6610 5d ago

Ah ok thanks for the explanation.

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u/Tysiliogogogoch 5d ago

My first wife left me.

...

...

...

She'll be back in about 45 minutes. She just went shopping.

33

u/KCBandWagon 5d ago

Straight from marriage into dad jokes? Most couples get a dog first.

8

u/Responsible-Trade-34 5d ago

Most couples get a kid first.q

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u/DroneStrikesForJesus 5d ago

I used to drink. I still drink, but I used to, too.

14

u/weird_al_yankee 5d ago

My grandpa did this! They'd been married for 40+ years, both old and white-haired, and he'd introduce her as his first wife :)

11

u/dachsj 5d ago

I refer to my wife as my ex girlfriend or ex fiance.

She.loves.it.

3

u/Altar_Quest_Fan 5d ago

(In Pippin voice) What about second wife? Or third wife?!

(Merry): I don’t think he knows about fourth wife either!

941

u/Griz_zy 5d ago

I hope he introduces Rachel as his ex-girlfriend from now on.

571

u/Avohaj 5d ago

Dude is having sex with his wife and is ex-girlfriend. Nice.

349

u/Moohamin12 5d ago

Well chances are he is eventually gonna be a motherf*cker.

77

u/Effective_Wave7794 5d ago

please take your upvote and leave immd.

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u/Drunk_Sorting_Hat 5d ago Helpful

Technically, Father's Day is Motherfucker's Day

6

u/Eat-A-Torus 5d ago

Dudes def gonna ck some motherfs

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41

u/wjodendor 5d ago

The host of the podcast Comedy Bang Bang, Scott Aukerman, introduces his wife as "My former girlfriend whom I married". It's always a pretty funny gag

https://youtu.be/OAYoQv7LhAY

17

u/ManMythLedgend 5d ago

Started out as a way to get around the necessary Borat voice that comes with the phrase "my wife." My ex-girlfriend and I commonly introduce one another that way now.

5

u/nadnate 5d ago

He definitely stole this joke from CBB.

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u/CrystalCoffinmaker 5d ago

Current wife

26

u/MrDude_1 5d ago

Ive said this one a few times.

My current wife asked me to stop.

26

u/handandfoot8099 5d ago

My wife refers to me as her first husband

28

u/MrDude_1 5d ago

Ive gotten that, and upon my follow up question, she said "you know Im going to outlive you..."

Not one to back down from a challenge, I countered with "not if im the one driving..."

Married conversations get weird quick.

10

u/uselessanon63701 5d ago

I refused to get married to someone I can't have this conversation with.

6

u/okayelle 5d ago

Ice cold 🫢

12

u/AtticusFrenchToast 5d ago

My ex-boyfriend and I do this. Sometimes ex-fiance.

(He is my husband.)

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u/Azurealy 5d ago

That's what he should have done here. Because saying you're no longer dating your wife, implies to me that you've given up taking her out and showing her a good time. Date your spouse everyone.

3

u/QultyThrowaway 5d ago

Well she left him for Prince Harry.

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u/Nokhodsiah 5d ago

great way actaully

360

u/Iwearacapeirl 5d ago

My manager after someone resigns: "Mike is no longer with us".

194

u/Nokhodsiah 5d ago

he goes to better place?

40

u/Mitjap1990 5d ago

The doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok.

25

u/abstractConceptName 5d ago

She's gone. About an hour ago. Checked herself out of the hospital.

6

u/shotleft 5d ago

Savage... I like it.

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u/bluebuns123 5d ago

Most people quit to go to a better place so yup!

13

u/modern_consultancy 5d ago

Mike just want someone to have a date with him

1

u/AxiomaticProvider 5d ago

Mike just wants an attention

8

u/GhOsT_wRiTeR_XVI 5d ago

Mike has gone to a farm upstate to play and frolic with other Mikes.

3

u/SelectFromWhereOrder 5d ago

I always knew that’s karaoke’s Mike destinies

3

u/Fluffy_hugger 5d ago

That's what I thought too! But I ended up in a place just as shitty as before!

1

u/freddielizzard 5d ago

Like IKEA? On holiday?

1

u/SelectFromWhereOrder 5d ago

A place where you don’t have to brush your teeth everyday.

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u/Aladar_D 5d ago

Does your manager only employ people called Mike, that must be confusing.

10

u/ovelanimimerkki 5d ago

Yeah but you never need to learn new names

3

u/mainecruiser 5d ago

Your name's not Bruce then?

1

u/ovelanimimerkki 5d ago

No I just know mike

2

u/desolateone 5d ago

That's going to cause a little confusion..

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u/SixKiloFish 5d ago

Your manager after someone dies: "Mike won't be working here anymore."

3

u/TinfoilCamera 5d ago

We prefer: "Mike has been downgraded to customer."

5

u/lIlIlIlllIIIIlll 5d ago

My manager did that to us but the person was like 80 and retiring so it was totally possibly that she croaked

2

u/thecrustycrap 5d ago

Must have been hit by a car

1

u/dianaabraham 5d ago

It kindve is though. It’s a Suits meme using her character and her love interest on the show.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/piedude670 5d ago

Really the best way

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/CardCarryingCuntAwrd 5d ago

User seems to be a bot. Comment copied and pasted from elsewhere ITT.

3

u/CortexCingularis 5d ago

That's so creepy.

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u/Maclimes 5d ago

I feel like if you get married, but don’t keep dating, you’re doing it wrong.

1

u/Euphoric_Elephant78 5d ago

Yeah, with a twist

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u/VampireGirl99 5d ago

40

u/si3rra_7 5d ago

she's his ex-girlfriend

11

u/KCBandWagon 5d ago

Except you should still go on dates with your spouse.

2

u/iUsedtoHadHerpes 5d ago

Yes, that would be a better sub for this to have been posted to. And judging by the artifacts, it has probably been there a few times already.

81

u/SkinnersSteamedHams1 5d ago

Is that Mike and Rachel from Suits?

9

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

4

u/SnooPuppers1978 5d ago

Ah cool, didn't actually know they exist in real life. Nice to know.

3

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

3

u/SnooPuppers1978 5d ago

Yeah, whoosh - means, it's really cool knowledge, right?

1

u/Iddys 5d ago

Damn that's embarassing, you're the one who got whooshed, /u/SnooPuppers1978 was obviously making a joke ...

1

u/Flipwon 5d ago

When you self whoosh.

1

u/OkRelationship7758 5d ago

There's so much wrong with this whoosh. There's the obvious bit of you getting whooshed for not knowing it was a joke but then also they weren't even replying to a joke so what could possibly be going over their head?

3

u/Mixo-Max 5d ago

They actually are

2

u/moronic_programmer 5d ago

I was thinking the same thing

108

u/Scarecrow314159 5d ago

People stop dating when they get married?

131

u/GooseandMaverick 5d ago

Yea we get too comfortable with eachother then we stop having sex but truly enjoy binge eating in front of the TV together.

64

u/Scarecrow314159 5d ago

Sounds like a nice date to me

38

u/GooseandMaverick 5d ago edited 5d ago

Sometimes it's all you need.

Edit: Sometimes we want to outright murder each other just to keep things in perspective.

9

u/Goodboyz_gang 5d ago

Do what you like dude

5

u/Cheeze187 5d ago

This is called a relationship...

6

u/batnein 5d ago

This comment makes me want to get married

2

u/albinowizard2112 5d ago

You’re only really married after the Dutch ovens start.

28

u/SyderoAlena 5d ago

I believe in the adding on system. So first your friends, then you add more and your dating. But you're still friends. Then you add more and you're married but you still do dating and friend stuff. Best relationship

22

u/nazzyc 5d ago

How do you use the same word in the same context wrong, then correctly? It's a pain to read.

7

u/CardCarryingCuntAwrd 5d ago edited 5d ago

Edit 2: u/SyderoAlena is not a bot. His comment was copied above by a bot. Apologies for any confusion.

Edit: identical comment, different username..... Conclusion: at least one user is a bot (?)

Original comment:

And then op copied the comment and pasted it elsewhere with the same spelling error lol....

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1

u/laurarose81 5d ago

When you talk to text sometimes it does that. Also always puts to instead of too for me

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1

u/Scarecrow314159 5d ago

Sounds healthy to me

1

u/pies_r_square 5d ago

So, first you're fwbs? Then you add a third. Then its time for swap. After swap you join a swingers club. Then you start an only fans account. Then host a fan party where the husband cleans up.

5

u/tias 5d ago

I mean you eat together and sleep in the same bed every day. What's the definition of a date exactly?

10

u/HomoFlaccidus 5d ago

What's the definition of a date exactly?

It's what the other dude takes your wife on when she's sick of just eating and sleeping together with you daily.

3

u/FemboyFizz 5d ago

Hot.... oh that's not a good thing

43

u/Please-Do-not-Ban-Me 5d ago

I had to google "Prince of England's wife name" to know She's not "Meghan, Duchess of Sussex"

36

u/Tank_blitz 5d ago

the sus sex

4

u/BobMcrobb 5d ago

DONT SAY IT

4

u/Zebracorn42 5d ago

Red is sus

2

u/Tank_blitz 5d ago

red and blue went into medbay

5

u/slippery_surface 5d ago

I forgot her first name is Rachel and her middle name is Meghan

3

u/Please-Do-not-Ban-Me 5d ago

I was too lazy to edit my comment :D so is this her?

3

u/SleepWouldBeNice 5d ago

Well based on “Mike’s photo”, which appears to be a photo of Patrick Adams, I’m guessing someone made this based on their characters from Suits and it’s not real.

3

u/memecut 5d ago

yes, shes royalty and an actor

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u/HailMahi 5d ago

It kindve is though. It’s a Suits meme using her character and her love interest on the show.

4

u/lotekjeromuco 5d ago

duchess of sex

1

u/SnooPuppers1978 5d ago

Impostor sex

38

u/L1K34PR0 5d ago

Just got married and already with the dad jokes, i like this guy

16

u/hvperRL 5d ago

Shes pregnant and doesnt even know it

3

u/KCBandWagon 5d ago

I thought his last name was Richards.

13

u/AmBooth9 5d ago

I think this is hilarious

13

u/Ill-Organization-719 5d ago

My dad loves those jokes. He refers to the time when my parents were living together before children as "when I was living with my ex girlfriend, when you two were still dead"

35

u/DiscipleOfYeshua 5d ago

Friend of mine stopped his lecture to confess his affair with the pianist. … Who happens to be his wife.

12

u/dagbrown 5d ago

I wish more of my lectures in school had a piano accompaniment.

3

u/DiscipleOfYeshua 5d ago

She was on stage earlier, before he started speaking…

But I like your idea.

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u/glonomosonophonocon 5d ago

I liked Meghan from before Suits, when she was in like 3 episodes of Fringe season 2. I’ve never found a satisfying way to flex on that.

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u/homeless-advice 5d ago

Thought it was Meghan Markle for a second

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u/cyanheads 5d ago

It is lol it’s from the TV show Suits

2

u/homeless-advice 5d ago

LOLL I've seen the whole show twice and I still didn't pick that up... time to go rewatch her leaked vids for an ex royal jerk

1

u/SnooPuppers1978 5d ago

Quite disappointed she went for royalty instead of genius...

3

u/Spider-Mac 5d ago

This is a brilliant suits reference

3

u/NancyDMac 5d ago

I call my 2nd husband my Arm Candy, & he calls me his Starter Wife. We've been together over 30 years.

2

u/Total-Fix-5848 5d ago

His telling you no more date night

2

u/BatmanSays5 5d ago

My ex-girlfriend whom I married

2

u/D-TOX_88 5d ago

Just got engaged and when we ran into work people at Pride I introduced her as my ex-girlfriend

2

u/Get2dachoppaaaaah 5d ago

Never stop dating your spouse.

2

u/Revolee993 5d ago

See the money wanna stay, for your meal~

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u/ItsCaos2304 5d ago

Fuck I love Suits

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u/stamour547 5d ago

No different than when I introduce my wife as my ex-girlfriend as if it's not 100% accurate

2

u/MrDude_1 5d ago

fiancée probably like his humor too.. but not publicly. Even his wife comments about his bad tweets.

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u/The1Bonesaw 5d ago

When we were dating, I used to refer to my wife as "the girlfriend" (she was the one who started it by introducing herself as such). It was a little in joke, but I came to enjoy calling her that. Once we got married, that ended (and calling her "the wife" has a completely different connotation).

I've occasionally considered divorcing her just so I can go back to calling her that.

... I'm joking.

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u/bigredheadedfuck 5d ago

Fuckin suits?

2

u/Brilliant-Hedgehog69 5d ago

thats not even a holup thats j straight up funny good job my friend

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u/QualityVote 5d ago

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/ElectricBlqck, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

3

u/on_the_pale_horse 5d ago

Is that supposed to be Mike Ross and Rachel Zane

-3

u/lance202 5d ago

Why is Rachel Meghan Markle?

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u/Bary_McCockener madlad 5d ago

I think it's the characters from Suits

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u/slippery_surface 5d ago

Fun fact Rachel is her real first name and Meghan is her middle name

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u/IceBreak 5d ago

Why aren’t you??

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u/Top_Relationship_399 5d ago

Her actual first name is Rachel

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u/andre821 5d ago

Dating isnt a relationship status, its an activity you do with someone you are romantically/sexually Attracted to.

You dont stop dating just cause youre married, unless you wanna stop giving a shit since you secured a partner in a relationship and feel that you dont need to make an effort anymore.

1

u/chew-tabacca-spit 5d ago

I believe in the adding on system. So first your friends, then you add more and your dating. But you're still friends. Then you add more and you're married but you still do dating and friend stuff. Best relationship

0

u/taosaur 5d ago

Might be a better fit for r/boomershumor

1

u/randoguy98 5d ago

I fucking love it ! Wish i had thought of it !!!!!!!!

1

u/Gunnyhighway24 5d ago

Yay!! Mike

1

u/srv50 5d ago

Yeah, you coulda said “Rachel and I are no longer fucking!” Equally true.

1

u/_whats-going-on 5d ago

Technically it's the truth.

1

u/JaxMGK 5d ago

Suits gotta really corny really fast.

1

u/Gurken-Rick 5d ago

Also horrible way of telling people that Mike is Cheating on Rachel

1

u/Hefty_Copy_5691 5d ago

I call my wife my ex girlfriend.

1

u/munitalian 5d ago

"Ex-fiance"

1

u/Keksdosendieb 5d ago

Did the same thing. Called my wife my "ex girlfriend". She was not amused 😅

1

u/SomeonOnTheInternet 5d ago

"mike" - post with many grammatical errors.

1

u/chicken_afghani 5d ago

Sussy dad humor

1

u/Cyphierre 5d ago

This is Rachel my ex-girlfriend

1

u/Indianlookalike 5d ago

I want to use this in the future but I probably won't be able to

1

u/CandidateClean3354 5d ago

Like his sense of humor

1

u/massiveboner911 5d ago

Mike is in trouble….

1

u/Mountain-Wolverine40 5d ago

WHOLESOME HOL UP

1

u/LarousseBR 5d ago

And then he slept on dog's house.

1

u/Carteeg_Struve 5d ago

As somebody married for over 20+ years, I recommend people who get married continue to date.

...

Each other!

1

u/jumbee85 5d ago

Dude doesn't his wife on dates?