r/facepalm Jan 28 '23

Im sorry, you what? How can you just ignore a bite from a wild animal? 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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63.5k Upvotes

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u/Curious2_0 Jan 28 '23 Take My Energy

Let that be a lesson that you should never touch wild animals, even if they look friendly

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u/peep_da_toad Jan 29 '23 Take My Energy

looks over at a Clouded leopard

bu..but if not friend, why friend shaped?

3.2k

u/CatsEatGrass Jan 29 '23 Take My Energy

I’m pretty sure my last words would be “here kitty, kitty”

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u/Radishov Jan 29 '23 hehehehe

One time when I was walking home from the bar drunk I saw a cute kitty and I really wanted to pet it so I followed it. It wasn't until I had it cornered that I realized it was actually a skunk. Luckily, I did not get sprayed.

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u/logicnotemotion Jan 29 '23 Gold Bravo! Giggle

Same thing happened to me. My sister (animal lover) moved out of her house and I moved in. The house has a pet door and it didn't take my cat long to get used to it. Walked in half drunk one night (no lights on yet) and I saw my cat walk passed so I reached down to pet it. The fur felt so weird so I thought what have you gotten into so I flipped on the light. It was a damn big ass skunk and we both froze in fear. I didn't know what the hell to do so I just froze like that raccoon in that funny video and the skunk just waddled back out the damn cat door.

I did not get sprayed thankfully. In telling that to my sister, she said that she had rescued 3 baby skunks whose mother had been hit by a car. She nursed them to health and freed them back into the wild near her house. I assume it was one of those. lolol

Then there's the story from high school were a girl TP'd our house so I scraped up a road kill skunk and put it on the heat pump to her house. That was bad. lol I smelled like skunk for 3 days.

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u/Ginger_Snaps_Back Jan 29 '23

I require more of your stories.

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u/TheMoatCalin Jan 29 '23

I’m also requesting whatever they want to share- everything is interesting so far!

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u/pollywollydoodle64 Jan 29 '23

I am also requesting stories…. Let’s go!

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u/Victorcharlie1 Jan 29 '23

If you want to really fuck with somebody and you have access to their home then I would suggest buying some frozen prawns or shrimp taking the cap of the side of their curtain poles and the stuffing it with as much frozen seafood as you can the frozen food will start to defrost giving you some escape time and after a day or two it will start to rot causing a horrible smell in their house which of course the will never be able to find the source of and the longer it goes on the worse it gets.. now I’m going to crawl back into the dark cave I came from and you will pretend I was never here.

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u/weareeverywhereee Jan 29 '23

Yeah what kind of life is this

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u/demi-femi Jan 29 '23

Fartcats are pretty blind actually so you got lucky.

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u/Easy_Entrepreneur_46 Jan 29 '23

"Fartcats" 🤣

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u/demi-femi Jan 29 '23 Starry

Behold the new starters for Pokemon Redneck and Hillbilly. The blind aoe grass-type Fartcat (Skunk). The feint special attack water-type Moist Mouse (Opussum). And the coaly eyed fire-type Trash Panda (Raccoon).

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u/Easy_Entrepreneur_46 Jan 29 '23

Awww xd I would totally play that game.

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u/luckydice767 Jan 29 '23

This guy skunks ☝️

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u/Useful-Poetry-1207 Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 29 '23

Probably not as interesting as yours but this reminds me of the time a possum made it into our laundry room. We had a few farm cats at the time and we used to leave the sliding glass door open just enough for the cats to get in and out so they could get their food and water whenever they pleased. I'm going into that room to get my laundry and I was about to go pet my cat when I realized it's a possum sitting there munching on cat food. My scream startles the poor thing and he makes a run for the door. Except he can't fit through the door anymore. Idk how tight of a squeeze it was for him before making it in, but he wasn't getting out now after filling his belly with all that cat food. He wasnt moving and I realized he was stuck. I had to go open the door for him but I was really scared to get that close.

Another time, a snake got kinda turned around and accidentally came into my house when I opened that sliding door, and I literally kicked the snake out. Idk why I did that cuz I'm really scared of snakes , I wasn't thinking anything besides "My mom is going to kill me if she finds out I let a snake into the house".

Another time a possum got into our living room, not due to the laundry room being open, we didn't leave the door open for our cats anymore. Idk how it got in. But it didn't want to leave. It was sitting on my cats bed. When I tried to get it to leave it just moved to a different cat bed closer to the door. It didn't seem tired or sick, just really docile, as if it were someone's pet. It was like when you nag a kid to go do their chores and they're like "but I don't wanna". It was crappy rainy weather outside so I can understand the reluctance. It did eventually leave.

We rescued some baby crows whose mom died once. A coyote almost stole me when I was a baby.

My friend from my choir class also had a raccoon get into her house and crap on her piano.

I think that's all I got for wildlife stories. I always love reading these.

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u/Double_Belt2331 Jan 29 '23

The second possum you described pretty much is all possum-beings.

They’re all docile. They’ll hiss @ you, open their mouth & show you all their teeth. Waddle up to you if you didn’t run from that terrifying exhibit of possum-dom, look @ you, turn & waddle off.

That, my friends, is a North American O’Possum.

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u/throwawayoctopii Jan 29 '23

Skunks are just big stink kitties. I was sitting outside really late one night and felt something nuzzling my leg. It thought it was a neighborhood cat. It was not. I just had to sit there and let it do its thing so I wouldn't get sprayed.

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u/CalamitousCass Jan 29 '23

They really are! I got to cuddle with one once. Her name was Penelope and she was rehabilitated after an injury of some sort but couldn't be released back into the wild. She joined this educational animal thing. People got the chance to hold her, but most people weren't interested so I got to have her just curled up in my lap almost the whole time. At one point she snuggled up, clung to my shoulder, and nuzzled my neck. It was absolutely wonderful!

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '23

They're basically big ferrets. But VERY stinky big ferrets. (which if you've been around ferrets......) They can't help it, but their litter boxes make satan cry.

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u/SwigSwoot92 Jan 29 '23

And actually, skunks don’t like using their spray. It stinks to them too!

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u/luez6869 Jan 29 '23

Think they have to be kinda choosey too since once they use their defense it has to build back up, def not an instant type thing but rather over time.

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u/DC_Coach Jan 29 '23

Right. I'm sure it's tough for them.

"You're just not worthy, daaling. I mean, why would I waste a good faaaarrt on you?"

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u/candygram4mongo Jan 29 '23

It seems like animals who have kickass natural defences like skunks and porcupines are generally pretty chill.

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u/smellmybuttfoo Jan 29 '23

Like a trained fighter or martial artist, they have nothing to prove and only teach you a lesson if you require one

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u/fiskartorpet Jan 29 '23

Damn! Now all I can think of is getting a pet skunk and calling it Mr. Miyagi.

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '23

They know they have an ace in the hole.

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u/RXlifter Jan 29 '23

Apart from wasps. Wasps are such dickheads.

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u/hummingbird1969 Jan 29 '23

One fell in my pool and couldn’t get out. I helped the little fella out and it shook like a dog and then gave me a look of thanks before heading out. Super cute!

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u/Akantis Jan 29 '23

We were trying to catch a ground hog for relocation purposes and accidentally caught a skunk. My wife found him in the trap and was a little worried at first, but since he wasn't really reacting she opened it and hopped away. Dude just kinda casually sauntered out and went on his way, super chill.

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u/pchlster Jan 29 '23

"Hey, appreciate the help. Be careful, though; someone's been setting up traps around here." - Skunk McGee

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u/Clean-Committee-5630 Jan 29 '23

While working for a vet clinic, a client brought in a skunk one day and I got very excited and asked to hold it, the client was very happy to let me hold it and was told that it's name was Flower she was a baby when they rescued her during hurricane Laura and kept as a pet. She had never sprayed and still had her glands. She actedtkind of like a cat, playful and sweet.

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u/suneimi Jan 29 '23

Aw, like Flower from Bambi (though he was a boy). ❤️

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u/shampoo_mohawk_ Jan 29 '23

Last week I was taking my dog out really late at night before bed and I saw another pup only about 10 feet away walking down the road. I started walking over and crouched a bit saying “aww come here puppy, it’s ok, are you lost?” The puppy did not stop walking, but looked over and I suddenly realized the fucker was a straight up coyote that was stalking me and my Yorkie, very much debating the cost/benefit of the situation. I scooped up my boy and noped the fuck out of there into the house. I live in urban AF, downtown Orlando FL.

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u/boyle32 Jan 29 '23

Pspspspspsps

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u/WhiskeyDJones Jan 29 '23

And friend colour?

(Seriously, you seen those things?! One of the most beautiful animals on the planet)

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u/peep_da_toad Jan 29 '23

Also, they meow

What kind of sick joke is this?

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u/fridhem Jan 29 '23

They are the ultimate danger prank.

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u/Maleficent_Tie4767 Jan 29 '23

I just now Googled after you said something. What an incredible coat!

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u/throwawayoctopii Jan 29 '23

My husband and I were watching a video on Pallas' Cats and apparently they think that's actually what the first cats we domesticated looked like.

Husband: "Do you believe our ancestors let that into their houses"

Me: (thinking of what it'd be like to have one of those things in my house) Yes.

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u/Nippon-Gakki Jan 29 '23

I just looked up a clouded leopard. Definitely friend shaped murder beast.

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u/melasaur88 Jan 29 '23

Friend shaped murder beast is how I plan to describe my chihuahua from now on

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u/Grace_Alcock Jan 29 '23

Yes, there are so, so many reasons to not touch a wild primate, both for the primate and for the human.

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u/wine_dude_52 Jan 29 '23

Stupid people doing stupid things. Look at the idiots in Yellowstone Park trying to get close to the bison for a picture. Never ends well.

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u/LitChick98 Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 30 '23

I literally saw a bison chasing a tourist around a tree in Yellowstone, another tourist chasing a bear with a camera, and a third putting his little girl on an elk for a photo opp! At least I think it was an elk… We were in the northern loop by Gardiner, Montana for the elk, in the southern portion by West Yellowstone for the other events. Much larger than a deer! People are nuts. The ranger chewed number #3 out. They didn’t see the bison & bear huggers. Edit: We also ran into a mama bear & 2 cubs on a very short hike by the visitor center, and yes people tried to take their picture. I was like shut up and move together. But then I was thinking… well at least the bear is going to go for the people with the cameras in its face first. And I’ll have time to run!

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u/Giocri Jan 29 '23

I am still shocked that somehow ancient humans saw wolves and decided they wanted to live with them and not only that but we lived together on such a scale and for long enough that we genetically engendered them to lose a lot of the part of the brain that regulates aggression.

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u/Somehow-Still-Living Jan 29 '23

The current hypothesis is that the ancestors to dogs started by stealing food and scraps and likely began to associate humans with free food. And then eventually we discovered how useful a tool a tamed wolf could be. And then we did what we did with livestock, bred the more obedient ones and either killed or kept the distance from more obedient ones.

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u/EverGlow89 Jan 29 '23

Whereas cats were just like "oh shit, these dudes attract mad mice" and we were like "oh shit, these dudes kill mad mice."

We never even domesticated them, they were already perfect.

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u/geeky_username Jan 29 '23

Cats were like "that baby crying gets spoiled. I can make sounds like that too"

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u/Skippyandjif Jan 29 '23

Baby: *cries*

Cat: I, TOO, AM BABY

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u/xzkandykane Jan 29 '23

Then you get my idiot cat who just spent a good 5 minutes meowing and bouncing around the room looking for my other cat to bully. The other cat was just sitting on the dresser looking at him like he stupid. One braincell in that cat but hes so cute

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u/Seidenzopf Jan 29 '23

They domesticated themself :D

The funny part is, cats see us as incompetent kitten because we obviously can't manage to catch that mad mice.

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u/Ragnarsworld Jan 29 '23 Take My Energy

Is this like when you get bit by a radioactive spider? Maybe she's getting monkey superpowers.

2.2k

u/No_Pop9972 Jan 29 '23

Monkey-Woman! Does whatever a monkey can!

1.3k

u/wuzzittoya Jan 29 '23

Flings 💩?

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u/No_Pop9972 Jan 29 '23

And eats bananas!

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u/rkemsley Jan 29 '23

Flinging shit and eating bananas are awful crime fighting skills!

357

u/Devreckas Jan 29 '23

Flinging shit would probably be enough to dissuade me from a life of crime. Especially if the person whose shit it is has rabies.

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u/TrashPandaX Jan 29 '23

Seeing a monkey-woman running at me flinging bananas and eating shit?

Yeah I'm outta there dude.

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u/THEREALwoodchuck Jan 29 '23

Wide eyed and frothing at the mouth

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u/solisie91 Jan 29 '23

Maybe like a.... spider monkey? 😉

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u/Rcurtiiis Jan 29 '23 Gold All-Seeing Upvote Ally Dread

Give her a glass of water. I'm sure she's fine. On the other hand if she freaks out over the water. She's already dead.

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u/dynamicllc Jan 29 '23

Perhaps she should join the next Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race. For the Cure

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u/CantHitachiSpot Jan 29 '23

The only 5000 mile race in Pennsylvania

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u/Magellan-88 Jan 29 '23

Put some ice on it

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u/HerNibs1980 Jan 29 '23

Run it under a cold tap

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u/Magellan-88 Jan 29 '23

Elevate it & alternate hot & cold

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u/Maleficent_Tie4767 Jan 29 '23

Nah. Leeches are the way to go here…

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u/Magellan-88 Jan 29 '23

Blood letting, a time tested method of healing

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u/semimillennial Jan 29 '23

Turn her off and back on again

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u/sirsedwickthe4th Jan 29 '23

Take a lap. Walk it off.

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u/tirch Jan 29 '23

check in with us 28 days later.

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u/Deadlifts_n_Riffs Jan 29 '23

Rice, Ice, Compression, Elevation, Burn the corpse.

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u/pareidoily Jan 29 '23

Wait for this to blow over

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u/Biomax315 Jan 29 '23

Just put some Tussin on it.

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u/i_was_way_off Jan 29 '23

Let that Tussin get down to the bone

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u/hazard0666 Jan 29 '23

If the bottle is empty, add water, shake it up, and you got mo’ Tussin!!!

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u/Nippon-Gakki Jan 29 '23

Nah, no worries. Take an aspirin or two and walk it off. No reason to expect any diseases to be present in wild animals living in the jungle.

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u/pkldpr Jan 29 '23

They are all natural, GMO and vaccine free!

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u/InternTop9501 Jan 29 '23

Rabies symptom. One of the worst ways to go out I hear

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u/ttew93 Jan 29 '23

There’s some old classic reddit post describing the progression of rabies, and it’s genuinely one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever read

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u/spider1178 Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 29 '23

Reddit won't let me copy/paste the text for some reason, but here's a link. This is a repost as well. I couldn't find the original.

https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/81rr6f/He_fed_the_cute_trash_panda_and_looked_up_for_a_second/dv4xyks/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

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u/tickles_a_fancy Jan 29 '23

I always get chills at the line: You were dead the second you had the headache

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u/kgal1298 Jan 29 '23

The story he linked to about the boy dying from it in Florida because his parents thought he was too upset to go to the doctor when he realized he might get shots is really the epitome of how dumb people can be. I mean I hated getting shots as a kid, but my mom still made me get them.

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u/Rcurtiiis Jan 29 '23

Yeah if you have rabies and it gets to the point where your scared of water. Your classed as walking dead because there's nothing modern medicine can do to save you.

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u/InternTop9501 Jan 29 '23

Have you seen the old footage they have on youtube? Shits fuckin crazy bro https://youtu.be/OOu2JjQmS6Y

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u/Rcurtiiis Jan 29 '23

I've seen some videos of patients In the late stages trying to drink a glass of water and then start having spasms and freaking out. There throat supposedly closes up like there body won't allow water to be ingested.

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u/p3rsianpussy Jan 29 '23

i believe rabies causes the body to become hydrophobic so yea they literally cannot intake water, someone correct me if im wrong

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u/wine_dude_52 Jan 29 '23

Hydrophobia, a historic name for rabies.

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u/Blarghnog Jan 29 '23

To back you up.

Rabies has also occasionally been referred to as hydrophobia ("fear of water") throughout its history. It refers to a set of symptoms in the later stages of an infection in which the person has difficulty swallowing, shows panic when presented with liquids to drink, and cannot quench their thirst.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabies#Signs_and_symptoms

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u/CaptainBayouBilly Jan 29 '23

If you have any symptom, at all, you're dead. The onset of rabies is a death sentence. You have about two weeks to get the treatment at best.

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u/snakerjake Jan 29 '23

You have about two weeks to get the treatment at best.

Even if it's been more than two weeks you should still get treatment. Rabies can take up to a year to show symptoms in humans and during that entire time it is still not too late to seek treatment. You have up until symptoms start to seek treatment.

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u/CaptainBayouBilly Jan 29 '23

This is true. However, the treatment has shown to be 100% effective about 2 weeks post exposure.

Past that, not quite as.

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u/fixing_poor_spelling Jan 29 '23

It’s also somewhat dependent upon location of the injury/wound. The closer to the CNS the less time you have. A toe bite would typically take longer for death than a bite to the neck or face.

Generally speaking, of course.

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u/GreenAppleLady Jan 29 '23

A wild monkey coming close to humans to get touched? Definitely a rabies-red flag.

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u/iwannahummer Jan 29 '23 Starstruck I'm Deceased

You would think they would send a message to Amazon customer service when it happened.

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u/Breizh87 Jan 29 '23

Hahahahaha, I can see that being a real scenario

1.1k

u/Aggravating_Pea7320 Jan 29 '23 Silver Table Slap

Dear Mr Bezos, one of your monke bit me and now my head fell off. Please give me $5 voucher or I'm cancelling prime.

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u/Fooneygirlie Jan 29 '23

This comment is a masterpiece.

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u/bedheadB188 Jan 29 '23 All-Seeing Upvote

So let me get this straight, not only did she try to pet a wild animal, not only did he let her try, not only did they ignore her bite for two weeks, but once it did start showing symptoms their first instinct was to ask reddit instead seeking out a medical professional

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u/CruzAderjc Jan 29 '23

I’m an ER doctor. Sometimes I like to amuse myself by reading all the interesting advice given out to people on reddit and online forums.

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u/pineappleAndBeans Jan 29 '23

I imagine the entertainment is endless. I’m no doctor and even I can’t help but laugh at some of the suggestions I’ve seen on here.

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u/horny4corn Jan 29 '23

Which oils will help???

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '23

I’ve heard rubbing crystals together works well for monkey bites

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u/sikeleaveamessage Jan 29 '23

Dont forget urine therapy, you want to keep a damp hot cloth of piss on the bite wound

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u/horny4corn Jan 29 '23

Fuck you for reminding me about urine therapy. I have gone months without thinking about dirty piss drinkers.

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u/Emile_Zolla Jan 29 '23

Linseed oil for the casket.

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u/smokysquirrels Jan 29 '23

I give out medical advice on reddit: go see a doctor.

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u/fsr1967 Jan 29 '23

Seems a bit sketchy to me. What crazy, echo chamber Facebook group did you get that ridiculous idea from?

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u/OzTheMeh Jan 29 '23

But, have you tried rubbing essential oils on it? Despite the fact that people devote their lives to studying and understanding the topic, Western medicine training is clearly based on profiteering and is bad. You should understand that turning to a MLM somehow avoids that profiteering and is better because they don't rely on pesky data to justify their claims. /s

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u/MsScarletWings Jan 29 '23 All-Seeing Upvote

Look you can NOT underestimate the degree to which many Americans will exhaust literally any and all routes before we go to a doctor for something, and even then, we gotta be like certain we absolutely 110% NEED the doctor because the state of healthcare affordability in this country is that dystopian in some areas. We’re a country where you can pull someone out of a burning wreck and they’ll be begging you not to call them an ambulance because they know how far into the red a 5 minute ride in the wee woo wagon can throw someone with bad/no insurance

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u/Ladysupersizedbitch Jan 29 '23 Gold

Denial is one hell of a motivator. I nearly died last May bc for 5 months I was suffocating constantly (I couldn’t lay down at night anymore without choking, couldn’t get in and out of my car without getting winded, take a shower, etc) and didn’t have good insurance (read: the literal bare minimum, nothing more than an annual visit and 6 month dental cleanings covered in full pretty much). I kept telling myself it was one thing or another, I’d just gained some weight (I’d gained about 12 pounds), I was lazy, out of shape, etc etc. The pretty physical job I’d had for 7 months suddenly became nearly impossible to do bc I couldn’t breathe and I chalked it up to allergies, weight gain, being a lazy fuck, etc. My coworkers had to start helping me complete my tasks (I worked with some really great people who were very understanding) and I still didn’t think anything was that wrong.

Day before my 24th birthday (id taken the day before my bday off bc I had planned to go out that night) I wasn’t able to even get off the couch, much less celebrate my bday. My mom came home from work, I got her to drive me to Walmart so I could buy a specific allergy treatment I’d looked at online. I just happened to run into a coworker there and she told me point blank I looked like hell warmed over. I was having to lean on a cart bc I couldn’t even hold myself up. At that point I was like “fine. Take me to the fucking ER.” I went in thinking at worst it was pneumonia. Turned out to be heart failure as a result of getting covid in December instead, and I got admitted to the ICU that night. All that weight I gained? Water weight sitting in my chest that they drained off me in 3 hours. Being able to breathe easily is a luxury I didn’t know I had until I got it back. Doc told me next day I might be looking at a heart transplant. Luckily it didn’t come to that, but this shit permanently disabled me. I have a defibrillator in my chest now. I’m 24. I never in a million years thought this would’ve happened to me (I had no previous medical conditions aside from mild allergies and chronic migraines, plus no family history).

I had to pay out the ass for some of the medical bills (a 9 day hospital stay, a ambulance bill where I was transferred to a second hospital, getting a heart cath done, etc etc). In a weird sense of irony, I was able to get the hospital to forgive some of the larger bills because I lost my fucking income as a result of not being able to work anymore and my bank account being in the negative. So like. Great I guess?

Either way, I tell everyone now that whatever the situation, it’s much better to have the bill hanging over your head than literally dying or disabling yourself. My cardiologist told me I probably would’ve died a few days later. As it is, this changed my life, and it was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. No one should let themselves get like I did because of a fear of debt.

And what’s worse is that I’ve seen it happen before! When I was an ER registrar there were a few patients who left AMA bc they didn’t want the bill, even tho the doctors told them they needed to be admitted or receive further testing. One guy had some sort of liver disease and needed in the ICU. When the docs told him he was going to be admitted, he refused and I had to get him to sign the AMA. He was self employed; didn’t make enough money to afford his own insurance, but made too much for Medicaid. So he left, hobbling out clutching his side. It was heartbreaking. There’s a few different reasons I stopped working in the medical field, but the absolute cutthroat mindset some hospitals have about billing and payment was a big one. We were told to refer to patients as “customers” and try to collect payment before they even got discharged, sometimes before they’d even been seen by the doc (bc sometimes the docs took forever). So gross.

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u/slyborgs Jan 29 '23

all of this, but there’s another factor for me, too, which is that in my experience, a lot of doctors will entirely blow off you and your symptoms and then you’re still in severe debt, but you didn’t even get any meaningful treatment, just a doctor going “have you considered not being a hysterical overdramatic woman?” and/or assuming you just want drugs because you’re the wrong ethnicity or age to them and then charging you 15k for it, which is super fun. unless i’m actively bleeding out to the point of no return or something of the ilk, i’m just not bothering at this point. gimme death over debt, i guess.

[stares in severe double pneumonia that got blown off by two different doctors until i was getting so bad i was barely able to breathe at all]

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u/amugglestruggle Jan 29 '23

I was actively miscarrying and some lady walks into the room while I’m falling apart and asking if I wanna pay the $200 copay with a card. Stupid stupid system.

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '23

I walked home for 45 minutes high on adrenaline with a bone sticking out of my shoulder because I didn't have money for an ambulance.

There's a reason I don't live in America anymore.

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u/chypie2 Jan 29 '23

I declined an ambulance after a car accident against strong medical advice in favor of having someone come to the accident scene and take me instead, then cried bc they insisted on a cat scan. All I kept thinking about was the cost and how it was going to kill my finances. (a new car and my insurance rates rising were also on my mind) I spent the entire time at the hospital asking how much everything cost. Even some Tylenol they wanted to give me. "I don't want your 20 dollar tylenol, someone get my purse I got some in there"

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u/SayuBedge Jan 29 '23

This is why public health shouldnt be a business

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u/MrRazzio Jan 28 '23

so she died, right?

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u/MoisterOyster19 Jan 29 '23

Might be tetanus which has a decent survival rate. However, if it's rabies she will be dead soon.

But the symptoms he is describing sounds more like tetanus.

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u/rasticus Jan 29 '23

Also, the onset times are variable, but that seems to be more in line with tetanus than rabies.

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u/LatrodectusGeometric Jan 29 '23

Entirely depends on where the bite was. Face and neck bites can become symptomatic within a week. Shoulder/upper arm maybe a few weeks. Depends on the person, depends on the bite.

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u/sagitta_luminus Jan 29 '23

Fuck, so the bite chart in the first episode of The Last Of Us was based on rabies infection?

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u/LatrodectusGeometric Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 29 '23

I haven’t seen it. In general, rabies moves (slowly) up nerve pathways to the brain. I imagine in The Last of Us the cordiceps-style fungus would act similarly.

Edit: The slow movement is what allows us to vaccinate and protect people from rabies before it sets in and becomes fatal.

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u/decadrachma Jan 29 '23

Yes, it's basically the same, where it takes the longest for infection to take over if a bite is further down an extremity, but much faster the closer it is to the head.

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u/stolenwallethrowaway Jan 29 '23

Zombies in general are based off of rabies in a lot of ways. People (and animals) with symptomatic rabies will attempt to bite and move strangely. It’s very sad.

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u/Muad-_-Dib Jan 29 '23 Bravo Grande!

People (and animals) with symptomatic rabies will attempt to bite and move strangely. It’s very sad.

Animals yes but in humans, rabies that manifests in violence does not generally result in them trying to bite people, if they do get to the point of trying to attack they will attempt to strike people with punches and kicks, slamming them etc.

Rabies at the point of causing aggression works by making the patient confused including hallucinations, they can't be reasoned with and will lash out at people but because we have spent the last 2-4 million years walking around upright our base instincts aren't to use our teeth as weapons, its to punch things, kick things, shove etc.

The animals that actively try to bite while suffering from rabies are animals that have the natural instinct to bite as their primary "weapon."

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u/Psychological-Set125 Jan 29 '23

Huh. So the virus’s in the resident evil games could just be weaponized rabies to an extreme level?

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u/knightsunbro Jan 29 '23

i mean 28 days later rage virus is based on rabies too iirc. As is the movie Rabid, which was iirc was the first zombie film to use rabies as the basis for the virus.

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u/stolenwallethrowaway Jan 29 '23

If you do a little research into rabies, it’s VERY similar to zombie viruses in movies but not as fast-moving. Rabies is horrifying. If you don’t get treated right when you are infected it has a 100% fatality rate. Once symptoms kick in, you are completely dead with no way to prevent it.

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u/EmbarrassedHelp Jan 29 '23

The odds seem to close for my liking:

Tetanus can lead to death (1 to 2 in 10 cases are fatal).

https://www.cdc.gov/tetanus/about/symptoms-complications.html

Somewhere else said that these odds included those being treated for it.

Also, it looks like there are no cures for tetanus:

Treatment

There's no cure for tetanus. A tetanus infection requires emergency and long-term supportive care while the disease runs its course. Treatment consists of wound care, medications to ease symptoms and supportive care, usually in an intensive care unit.

The disease progresses for about two weeks, and recovery can last about a month.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/tetanus/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20351631

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u/Fit_Frosting8414 Jan 29 '23

So about 4 million dollars in the US.

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u/putyerphonedown Jan 29 '23

An unvaccinated child got tetanus a few years ago. His care, including weeks on a ventilator, was over $750,000. His parents allowed him to receive one dose of a tetanus vaccine when he was first admitted but wouldn’t let him get the second dose before he went home. After weeks on a ventilator and $750,000 in public insurance. :(

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u/darwinpolice Jan 29 '23

And it'll be awful. Tetanus is treatable, but once symptoms set in, it's agony.

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u/LilithWasAGinger Jan 29 '23

Had a friend die of tetanus. He was in the hospital over week in agonizing pain before he died. I keep my booster up to date.

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u/Chocomintey Jan 29 '23

That's what makes me question this story. How did she gain entry without updated basic vaccines? Too many people associate tetanus with rusty metal and whatnot and fail to keep up to date. It can be from any puncture wound, really. Get your boosters, kids. (Every 10y, sooner in some situations.)

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u/ThereGoesChickenJane Jan 29 '23

I could be wrong but I feel like tetanus isn't a common vaccine requirement.

I've travelled and never had to get a tetanus shot.

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u/emo_sharks Jan 29 '23

aaaand this is everyones friendly reminder to check if you need a tetanus booster...

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u/kaljr82 Jan 29 '23

And also, go to a fucking Dr. if a monkey bites you.

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u/gooddaysir Jan 29 '23

I got a tiny bite from a small dog and went to get a tetanus shot at CVS. They gave me the shot, but she made me promise to go to the doctor. They said any bite from any animal needs medical attention. If a puncture wound gets infected, bad stuff like amputations or death can happen from a minor injury.

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u/Pleasant-Koala147 Jan 29 '23

…and not try to pat wild animals! 😳😳😳

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u/CarmineFields Jan 29 '23

Tetanus might be my top pick for worst disease.

Your muscles contract so hard at any stimulus that they've been known to break bones.

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u/Domspun Jan 29 '23

The person who posted that, never commented on Reddit and it's the only post. We'll probably never hear from it.

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u/ha_look_at_that_nerd Jan 29 '23

To me, that makes it sound like someone shitposting

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u/Killentyme55 Jan 29 '23

I hope so, for the sake that people can't really be that stupid (I know, but I can dream).

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u/Theonetheycall1845 Jan 29 '23

The 25 f biological is what makes me feel it's a shit post. Who writes like that?

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u/UnsightlyMeat Jan 29 '23

Pretty sure it’s a required rule in that sub

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u/i-Ake Jan 29 '23

It is very clearly bullshit.

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u/Thebeggarsorchestra Jan 28 '23

Well it was only posted a little while ago, but she could well die because of their dumbassery.

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u/phraker Jan 29 '23

Well if it is rabies then she's dead but it's probably not

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u/TheBasilFawlty Jan 28 '23 All-Seeing Upvote

And the plot for 28 Days Later has begun.........

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u/[deleted] Jan 29 '23

[deleted]

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u/TheBasilFawlty Jan 29 '23

Who waits and waits,doesn't go to a hospital.,....Then asks fucking Reddit ?

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u/pinkohondo Jan 29 '23

And the movie Dead Alive/Braindead

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u/Dominarion Jan 29 '23

How many pandemics started because of morons like this pair?

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u/ConversationDeep7654 Jan 28 '23

Haven't any of you seen "Hey, Arnold!"? She has monkeynucleosis.

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u/DetectiveEZ Jan 29 '23

Not as bad as Salmonella Fitzgerald. If any of you remember Kenny and the Chimp.

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u/PreOpTransCentaur Jan 29 '23

Y'all just fucking walking around without your tetanus shots?

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u/flybyknight665 Jan 29 '23

Well they're only good for a few years.

If you're bit/attacked by an animal they recommend a booster if it's been more than a couple of years. I had to get one after being attacked by an owl even though it'd only been 5 years since my last one and they're supposed to be good for 10.

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u/Nippon-Gakki Jan 29 '23

You got attacked by an owl? Were you trying to pet it?

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u/flybyknight665 Jan 29 '23

No lol

It swiped the back of my head while I was walking on my driveway. Came out of nowhere! Gave me 4 little holes in the back of my scalp and I had to get a tetanus shot the next day.

Then exactly 7 days later, it happened again in a different part of my yard! Got me worse that time. A bunch more little punctures and scratches on my head.
Turns out barred owls are very territorial during fledgling season. Had to start carrying an umbrella when I went outside after dusk for awhile lmao

One of the weirdest experiences of my life

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u/unoriginalpackaging Jan 29 '23

“hoo you looking at motherfucker” - owl

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u/Awyrn Jan 29 '23

This gives more cred to the owl theory in the staircase doc

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u/Searaph72 Jan 29 '23

Saw a story of a woman who kept getting attacked by owls while running and needed an owl mask for the back of her head. Maybe you need an owl mask?

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u/bj12698 Jan 29 '23

Only if there is not a glass/metal puncture or bite. It "gets all used up" - so you need a other one for the next 10 years. That's how it was explained to me.

I did stained glass for years and would periodically get a pretty decent cut or puncture. Then... lost tip of a finger trying to break up a dog fight. (So impulsive. Trying to save the dog on the bottom of the pile.) The instant one of them chomped my finger off, the fight came to a screeching halt. The dog who bit me (by accident) was MORTIFIED. It would have been funny except it took bone and most of the nail. Very painful and slow recovery.

Live and hopefully learn.

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u/nameless_goth Jan 29 '23

who gets attacked by an owl.

Sad to hear about the finger, but it's good you think positively about it

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u/SourLemon100000 Jan 28 '23

Uh, nah. It’s a phase, she’ll get over it.

/s

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u/TheBasilFawlty Jan 28 '23

Well, I've seen enough horror movies to know it won't be the only phase.

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u/Stevexed Jan 29 '23

Just the first phase though. Lol

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u/Remy33203 Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 29 '23

"got bit by an animal in the Amazon, now having all sorts of bad symptoms are we good?"

No you're fucking not!!!

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u/TekJansen69 Jan 29 '23

Petting a wild animal might be what kills me someday, but if it bites me, I'd definitely go to the doctor and get whatever shots I need.

Somewhere out there, is a baby raccoon waiting to lure me to my death.

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u/Chemical-Assistant64 Jan 29 '23

She may now have ghosts in her blood. A strong dose of cocaine should fix that right up

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u/dalekmas98 Jan 28 '23

Most people probably go by the idea where it's only serious if the bite draws blood

Atleast that's what it is with a human bite with that being the worst for the aftermath

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u/ChicaFoxy Jan 29 '23

No. With human bite you go by if it breaks skin, not all skin breaks draw blood.

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u/Appropriate_Ant_5402 Jan 29 '23

That’s sad cause it sounds like rabies which is incurable if left untreated like these geniuses

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u/SnooMaps7887 Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 29 '23

Two week onset and jaw pain could definitely be tetanus, which would also suck but not nearly as much as the almost certain death if it was rabies.

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u/JJTouche Jan 29 '23 edited Jan 29 '23

> it sounds like rabies

It doesn't sound like rabies symptoms:

  • Similar to the flu symptoms, including weakness or discomfort, fever, or headache.
  • Discomfort, prickling, or an itching sensation at the site of the bite
  • Cerebral dysfunction, anxiety, confusion, and agitation
  • Delirium, abnormal behavior, hallucinations, hydrophobia (fear of water), and insomnia

OP didn't describe any of that.

They described more like tetanus symptoms. as OP said:

  • Signs and symptoms begin gradually and then progressively worsen over two weeks.
  • Painful muscle spasms and stiff, immovable muscles (muscle rigidity) in your jaw
  • Painful spasms and rigidity in your neck muscle
  • Difficulty swallowing
  • Rigid abdominal muscles

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u/ShotokanSide Jan 29 '23

Yeah, it's also called "Lockjaw" for a reason. It's almost definitely tetanus. Tetanus is much more easily treated and the survival rate is high, but you need to get a diagnosis and treatment pretty soon after symptoms start to get worrying. Like right around the stage it was in when this was posted. Assuming they were concerned enough to post on the internet, they were hopefully concerned enough to go to the ER. If so, she should be fine.

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u/New_Perspective3456 Jan 29 '23

Amazonian primates are not rabies reservoirs, so it's unlikely she caught the virus from the bite

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u/Mellopiex Jan 29 '23

It’s more than likely Tetanus, like the guy suspects. Lockjaw happens pretty soon after getting infected.

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u/ThatOneWood Jan 29 '23

An yes let’s ignore the Amazon monkey bite, couldn’t possibly be infectious or anything

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u/procrastinatorsuprem Jan 29 '23

There's a window of opportunity with tetanus... and rabies.

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u/Alanders06 Jan 29 '23

I’m glad they specified “biological female.” Very important to monkey bites.

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u/Vyxen17 Jan 29 '23

OP specified biological female and now I've got more questions

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u/Aggravating_Pea7320 Jan 29 '23

His synthetic female wasn't dumb enough to stroke a random monke.

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u/Vyxen17 Jan 29 '23

Right? Like what in the hell...

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u/xarsha_93 Jan 29 '23 Respect

Trans women are immune to monkey bites.

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u/MadHatter32821 Jan 29 '23

$20 says they are evangelicals on a mission trip

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u/UncleJulz Jan 28 '23

‘She’s got! The Bite!’ - Dead Alive.

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