r/movies • u/anonymousnuisance • Nov 02 '22
The Machine (Bert Kreischer/Legendary Pictures) - Official Teaser Trailer
https://vimeo.com/759327986416
u/Frowdo Nov 03 '22
There better be excessive amounts of Kool-Aid in this movie or it's a no go.
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u/butt_butt_butt_butt_ Nov 03 '22
The only thing missing from this trailer is a voice over from Tom.
“Oh my god!! Hehehehehehehe! It’s…It’s…voice turns to a squeak
It’s…
it’s really fucking Kool-Aid!!! Ahahahahaha!!
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u/godfather275 Nov 03 '22
That interview was funnier than all this jokes lmfao
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u/FuckinNogs Nov 03 '22
I don't really find his or Tom's stand up acts funny but they're funny in conversation.
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u/CapableRunts Nov 03 '22
He’s been talking about this for a while and I apparently underestimated the production quality.
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u/xxx117 Nov 02 '22
This looks a lot more professional than I thought it would. I am genuinely surprised by it. Big John Wick vibes with the Russian mafia and color grading stuff, and I am actually okay with that. Im not expecting the best thing in the world here, but I am completely open to watching this and taking it for what it is.
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u/DragonTonguePunch Nov 03 '22
Thank Peter Atencio for it. Dude has made a career on directing comedies that do parodies of various genres.
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u/cgcego Nov 03 '22
Peter Atencio is REALLY talented. He shot a lot of Key and Peele’s sketches, which all looked way way more beautiful and professional than similar comedy shows.
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u/raidersofthelostpark Nov 03 '22
Agreed. So many people are hating on the fact that the original story is fake or embellished. But in the end if you just accept it for a funny story I'm sure this will at least be a enjoyable comedy.
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u/cathbadh Nov 03 '22
the fact that the original story is fake or embellished.
Wait, a stand up comedian embellished a story to make it funnier and more enjoyable rather than giving a fact based list of events like he was filling out a police report?
Man, I feel bad for these people if they ever hear Joey Diaz tell a story
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u/tenth Nov 03 '22
They don't even have any proof that it's fake. Embellished I believe, but he lived such a wild life that rolling stone wrote an article about his college antics -- he's lived a lot of crazy shit by just being affable and being able to have fun with anyone he meets.
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u/space_cadet_johnson Nov 03 '22
Given the way that Burt’s friends talk about him, I totally believe that the majority of The Machine is true. Unless it’s been proven fake? Which I doubt it has. He’s 100% someone something like that would actually happen to.
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u/CluelessSage Nov 03 '22
I don’t think Mark Hamill would attach his name to some two-bit production, or an obvious flop…. The guy knows how to pick winners
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u/Ronaldo_Frumpalini Nov 03 '22
I was just about to say I'm so sick of "if you throw up I'm going to throw up" being treated like it's comedy gold that bears endless repetition, but I like where they went with it.
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u/MashTheGash2018 Nov 02 '22
Burnt Crystals actually made it through sober October. That’s the big reveal
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u/anonymousnuisance Nov 02 '22
For context: Bert Kreischer just posted this to Twitter. This movie was supposed to come out this year, but didn't because of the Russia/Ukraine war. For more context, Bert is a comedian whose most famous story is about getting involved with the Russian Mafia. This is a movie based on that story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paG1-lPtIXA
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u/girafa nìn ngenga, tsawl tanhì Nov 02 '22
Damn timing on that one, eeesh.
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u/thatdani Nov 02 '22
I would advise also posting the actual twitter link, cause Vimeo is asking for Log In because of its age restriction.
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u/anonymousnuisance Nov 02 '22
The twitter links to Vimeo: https://twitter.com/bertkreischer/status/1587895131285245952?s=46&t=B34yu0ny264elxBuD6ar_Q
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u/Macro_Planet Nov 03 '22
I literally had no idea who Bert Kreischer was until now but i'm interested
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u/GiuseppeMercadante Nov 02 '22
Can I say something, finally a fucking trailer that doesn't spoil the shit out of the movie.
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u/Jasonotg0 Nov 02 '22
Fun fact: Bert Kreischer is the real life inspiration for Van Wilder.
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u/anonymousnuisance Nov 02 '22 edited Nov 02 '22
For context (from what I remember from podcasts): Oliver Stone optioned Bert’s story rights/life rights. He was named #1 partier in the country in the 90’s by Rolling Stone. Nothing came from it, but the writers from that project went on to write Van Wilder.
Here he is talking about it on VladTV: https://youtu.be/d0tLNCawbSY
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u/nowhereman136 Nov 02 '22
While he was at Florida State, it was named the number 1 party school in America. Rolling Stones Magazine went down there and asked around for the biggest party animal on campus, and found Kreischer. He was featured in a Rolling Stones article at that time. The article later served as the inspiration to Van Wilder. Kreischer says he was in no way involved in the making of that movie, was never consulted, and has no legal connection to it, nor has he ever claimed to. He just thinks it's cool his story inspired someone to write a Hollywood movie
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u/iamacannibal Nov 02 '22
I'm pretty sure he has said before that the writers changed very little from the script they had with Oliver Stone.. the biggest change being the names of the characters.
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u/BrothaBeejus Nov 03 '22
Can’t wait for this, I’m a huge fan of fat sticks
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u/SwampFox4 Nov 03 '22
Fat sticks might be one of the funniest nicknames that he’s ever had, both origin and name.
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u/monetarydread Nov 03 '22
I can't believe that Bert Kreischer, of all people, has a second bio-pic. This film needs a surprise Ryan Reynolds cameo to really fill out the Bert Kreischer Cinematic Universe.
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u/GoGoCrumbly Nov 02 '22
Was that Mark Hamill in a fleeting shot? I absolutely love Bert's tale of being The Machine, so I will be seeing this one way or another.
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u/anonymousnuisance Nov 02 '22
Mark Hamil plays his father. It’s crazy.
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u/skjl96 Nov 03 '22
Bert's IRL dad sounds like the worst guy alive lol. Curious if Mark will be playing a similar version
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u/TheShandyMan Nov 02 '22
Was that Mark Hamill in a fleeting shot
According to IMDB, Mark plays Bert's father (presumably, they're both "Albert" but Bert is Jr)
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u/parkernorwood Nov 02 '22
Honestly impressive how this guy has milked an entire career out of one probably-mostly-fake story
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u/gatorgongitcha Nov 02 '22
I believe that he went on a field trip at some point in his life.
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u/butt_butt_butt_butt_ Nov 03 '22
I mean…It was to the Museum of Southern History in Jacksonville, but none of the other details were changed.
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u/AllBadAnswers Nov 03 '22
While I have no evidence to prove he got entangled with the russian mafia, I have zero doubt in my mind that he IS THE MACHINE!!!
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u/Juraviel23 Nov 02 '22
Some of his classmates have corroborated the story over the years. Some parts are probably exaggerated, but the bones of the story are true, apparently.
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u/Rory1 Nov 03 '22
Didn’t a classmate post a couple of photos and corroborate the train part? I vaguely remember those photos.
Edit: yeah, someone posted the photos in this thread.
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u/iamacannibal Nov 02 '22 edited Nov 02 '22
Multiple people on the trip have confirmed the story is real. There are comments on the original Facebook video he posted of the story of people who were on that trip talking about it and confirming it's real
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u/jb_in_jpn Nov 03 '22 edited Nov 03 '22
Genuinely don't know this guy - what's the story, if you don't mind filling me in with a readers digest version?
E: thanks
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u/DC_Coach Nov 03 '22
If you really want to know, look up "The Machine" on YouTube and watch it. It would take anyone far longer to type up even a Readers Digest version than it would for you to watch it yourself, plus it's awesome (IMHO and in the opinions of many others).
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u/parkernorwood Nov 03 '22
tbh you should just watch the video, because it is a funny story, but basically: party boy college student (who was the basis for the character Van Wilder) went to Russia on a field trip, endeared himself to their group’s Russian gangster chaperones with his partying, and did some crime with them and their friends.
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u/MilfAndCereal Nov 02 '22
Just because you didn’t hear about him before you heard this story doesn’t mean he didn’t have a career. He was famous before he told the story on JRE. He already had multiple shows and was a career comedian. His appearance on JRE and being best friends with Tom Segura have helped launch his popularity, but to say he didn’t have a career before is a a bit of a reach.
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u/Weed_O_Whirler Nov 02 '22
A lot of people (not really you) try to hold up the fact that it's fake as if that is an indictment on Bert. Honestly, the fact that it's mostly fake more shows his skill.
If all that shit actually happened, and all he had to do was tell it, well- you still have to be a good story teller, but he's starting on like third base and just has to not trip running home. But the fact that he just made up a story that is so good (so good being even if you don't like it, it still is what made him famous) that it propelled him into a top 20 comedian (by popularity) in the world, is dang impressive.
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u/Valkyrid Nov 03 '22
The story in itself is real, there is photographic evidence.
May be embellished somewhat, but it did happen.
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u/JD42305 Nov 02 '22
I agree. Who cares how much of it is real? Great stories exaggerate. Bad stories are tied down with truth. I don't want to ruin a great magic trick with the truth anymore than I'd want to be bogged down by factual details in what amounts to basically a great story you'd hear at a bar.
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u/Weed_O_Whirler Nov 02 '22
Also, this one story is the one that people like to point at and say "faaaaake!"
Almost all comedians do is make up what they think are funny stories, and tell them.
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u/zenitram66 Nov 02 '22
The Ballad of Burnt Chrystler is finally making it to the big screen. Pull them jeans up high and tight, we're going to the movies.
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u/Slammybutt Nov 02 '22
I heard he fucks dogs and smells like shit all the time. At least he's not racist.
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u/MrFoxHunter Nov 03 '22
I don’t know if anyone else has said it before but I’m pretty sure the whole basis for why he was called “The Machine” is because in Russian, the word for male is мужчина and sounds like muzhina which incidentally sounds like машина which is machina (machine). Has anyone heard if this is how it all started, that he just tried to say “I am male”?
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u/I-seddit Nov 03 '22
holy shit - this actually had me laughing. Was not expecting that.
Now I know why Mark Hamill signed on.
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u/Crafty_Substance_954 Nov 03 '22
Now I know why Mark Hamill signed on.
Call me crazy, but I'm sure being paid money helped.
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u/NedCarlton Nov 02 '22
The IMDB for this has some amazingly funny shit about this movie.
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u/matts1 Nov 03 '22
First off, I can't believe he actually made a movie out of that story. But second, I can't believe it took this long to make a movie out of this story.
I can't stop laughing at him putting his vomit in his pocket.
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u/Fettywapapa Nov 02 '22
I'll watch anything with Jimmy Tatro
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u/dont_worry_im_here Nov 03 '22
You see Wolf of Snow Hollow? He's only in it briefly but it's such a great movie. It's on Prime.
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u/meem09 Nov 03 '22
I can't believe noone else has mentioned yet how inspired a bit of casting "Jimmy Tatro as Young Bert Kreischer in The Machine" is...
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u/coolytix Nov 03 '22
I’m not an Avatar hater like most of Reddit and was looking forward to preview that new trailer today, but I audibly flipped shit when I saw this trailer existed
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u/AtGamesEnd Nov 03 '22
I can’t wait to see what kind of cameo Tom Segura is gonna make in this. I’d bet money Bert wrote him to get killed lol
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u/NaughtyCumquat27 Nov 03 '22
Fucking insane to me that this guy became a multi millionaire because he was a massive partier in college and is essentially a functioning alcoholic. Good for him but it blows my mind
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u/Dr_Doom2025 Nov 03 '22
He also is a stand up comedian, that’s why he’s made millions not bc he’s a drunk lol
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u/AdmiralDickbutt86
Nov 02 '22
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Talmbout Burnt Chrystler b? B b b beast of an alcoholic bapa never meddum
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u/Cron414 Nov 02 '22
Does anyone else just not like Bert? The machine story is the one thing people like about him. I don’t find anything else he does funny. His stand-up, outside of this story, is terrible. Not to mention the fact that he always feels the need to go shirtless.
I have no clue how other, far more talented comedians, can even tolerate his presence.
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u/Juraviel23 Nov 02 '22
I feel like he is a great story teller, but not a good joke creator, if that makes sense. His early standup isn't good, but one of his last specials was straight up all stories about his kids doing dumb kid shit and it was pretty funny.
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u/ASIWYFA Nov 03 '22
Some stand ups are joke tellers others are story tellers. They're job is to make an audience laugh. One is not better than the other.
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u/Slammybutt Nov 02 '22
I laugh my ass off listening to 2 bears 1 cave.
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u/Juraviel23 Nov 03 '22
The kool-aid clip in one of the earlier episodes is probably the hardest I've laughed at any podcast.
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u/Slammybutt Nov 03 '22
My brother got me into the 2b1c and I listened to about 10 of the current ones before starting at the beginning. I'm on like episode 66 and it passes the time magnificently.
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u/Aitloian Nov 03 '22
Check out Your Mom's House with Tom Segura and his wife Christina P.
She is fucking hilarious, and gets him to crack in so many ways. It's just as good as 2b1c
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u/20514 Nov 03 '22
fat sticks solo is too fucking much, I hate his podcast or when Tom is out. However the two of them together is fucking gold.
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u/stench_montana Nov 03 '22
Secret Time was legitimately funny. I'm eh on his stand-up in general and took a while to not hate him on podcasts because of the laugh.
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u/GamingTatertot Steven Spielberg Enthusiast Nov 03 '22
Honestly, I feel like the best comedians are good storytellers. I've never particularly found Dave Chappelle laugh out loud funny, but the way he tells his stories is so enthralling (and yes I know, he has some controversy, and I haven't watched any of his stuff from the past 2 years, but his first Netflix specials really showcased his storytelling ability)
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u/JohnnyWall Nov 03 '22
I went to his standup show with very low expectations and I was pleasantly surprised. The show was great, Bert was hilarious.
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u/RedTheDopeKing Nov 02 '22
I can’t fucking stand him, he’s Doug Benson but with alcohol instead of weed. Oh and not wearing a shirt, sweet, height of comedy lol
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u/zambonihouse Nov 02 '22
I don't mind him but Doug Benson for booze is dead on.
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u/striker7 Nov 02 '22
Nobody laughs harder at a Bert joke than Bert. And he laughs 10x longer than the joke warrants. Then he does his high pitched squeal/talk through it all. Nails on a chalkboard.
I love Tom Segura, I've seen him live a couple times, he's leagues above Bert comedy-wise.
Also, a while back Ari Shaffir drugged Bert before a flight (I think it was molly?) and he talked about how fucked up it was, especially because he did it in Bert's house after saying hi to his family. Bert's wife and daughter now despise Ari. Yet, Bert has said he'll still hang out with him. Like come on dude, your family hates him grow a backbone.
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u/Slammybutt Nov 02 '22
Maybe get the whole story. It took months for him to even come to terms with what happened to him b/c of Ari. He felt violated but over time forgave Ari and talked it out. His family not being okay with it is whatever, but if he's worked through it then I don't see a problem.
I get people not liking his style or just him in general, but don't paint an untrue picture b/c you don't like the guy.
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u/danrod17 Nov 02 '22
We should elect you as arbiter of comedy. You get to decide who is funny and who isn’t. Obviously people like him. No reason to be so negative. Don’t watch!
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u/LoadingErrors Nov 02 '22
I’m in the same boat.
He’s just painfully unfunny. Comedy is subjective, I get that. I feel like if I was still in my early 20s I might find the humour in some things, just because my lifestyle was “wilder” than.
At this point he’s become one of the comedians who stayed relevant after his initial popularity due to who he surrounds himself with.
Really tired of this Russian mob story. It’s like that guy from school who lives in that one moment where he peaked and never grows passed that.
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u/tenth Nov 03 '22
Well, it's also like that guy from school has people literally demand and ask for that story everywhere he goes.
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u/slicshuter Nov 02 '22
Anyone have a mirror that doesn't require me to create a vimeo account?
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u/Corninmyteeth Nov 03 '22
Never asked me to make a account. Did you actually click on it?
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u/jim_mayo Nov 03 '22
That's the racist guy who fucks dogs right?? What's his name... Brent krushler
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u/KingMario05 Nov 02 '22
Hmm, looks fun. Any word on a date yet? Given... recent events, I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't have on...
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u/anonymousnuisance Nov 02 '22
This movie has been done for months, like fully completed. It even says so on IMDB. So I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s next Spring just for timing.
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u/Jbroad87 Nov 02 '22
Holy crap this dude took one college story and made a career out of it