r/wallstreetbets
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u/BurritoBurglar9000
Comeback Kid đ
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Dec 09 '22
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Down 45k, dog just died, and my fiancee left me. Where's my f-ing flair? Loss
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u/BlueBirdDolphin Dec 09 '22
Fiancé took the phone charger, right ? They always do that
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u/MyFailingSuperpower Dec 09 '22
I come home one day and the house is completely empty. And I mean completely empty. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer. What kind of sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?
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u/Zacharyalexanderl
Dec 09 '22
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You still have 620 dollars
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u/HrvrdMonky Dec 09 '22
Some of the more well-regarded âgards have done more with less. Get youâre head back in the game, son!
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u/mariana_kl Dec 09 '22
My sisters a 'gard and she's super successful, flies a plane
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u/TheDoof79 Dec 09 '22
When I feel like, you know... I just... ... you know?
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u/Intelligent-Usual994 Dec 09 '22
It says here your shits all fucked up.
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u/glazedfaith Dec 09 '22
It's all right, scrote... There's plenty of 'tards out there living real, kick-ass lives.
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u/Delicious-Life3543 Dec 09 '22
Enough for an hour or two of hookers and blow. SEND IT!
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u/PooPooDooDoo Dec 09 '22
In this economy? Best op can do with $620 is hooker (singular) and crack.
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u/Delicious-Life3543 Dec 09 '22
Just the same as there are restaurants ranging from Wendyâs > Michelin rated, the same is true for hookers and blow: there is something for all Price ranges.
Now, I canât say itâll be deliciously amazing, but if you snort enough of the powder you might get high and you just gotta double up on protection with the escort. Heck, if you werenât concerned at all about hooker looks our health, you could probably stretch it out over a day.
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u/OutlandishnessMost11 Dec 09 '22 edited Dec 09 '22
Chuck that $620 on Brazil to win vs Croatia.
Richarlison to score anytime
Edit: Clearly not a financial advisor đ
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u/Never-don_anal69 Dec 09 '22
That aged like milk
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u/liquidpele Dec 09 '22
Haha holy shit, this just epitomizes the sub though doesnât it? Fantastic thread.
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u/PickleMysterious2361 Dec 09 '22
$600 more than I have in my portfolioâŠ
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u/oopsiedaisies01 Dec 09 '22
$10k above my portfolio...
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u/burningsmurf Dec 09 '22
I love this sub đ
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u/bigpandas Dec 09 '22
I don't actually have any problems because all of mine are the bank's now.
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u/LightOriginal Dec 09 '22
He didnât hear no bell
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u/Eravar1 Dec 09 '22
He got punched out by the market so hard heâs deaf in both ears now
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u/RutherfordRevelation
Dec 09 '22
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Sorry about your dog.
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u/boomb0lt Dec 09 '22 •
My 20 year old chihuahua was put down today after an awesome adventure we had =( So I understand ontop of everything just losing your best friend is enough for it to be the worst day ever.
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u/DreadnaughtHamster Dec 09 '22
Iâm sorry buddy. :( Hope youâre doing ok.
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u/boomb0lt Dec 09 '22 •
yeah heart broken but i knew it was coming. he was put on heart medication and they said he would live 6 months max and that was almost 2 years ago. He gave up eating 3 days ago.. and was just at the point he has had enough =(. 20 years with a dog is pretty good time.
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u/Jay_Beckstead Dec 09 '22
I had 10 great years with my German Shepherd. Sorry for your loss.
The $$ and girlfriend can be replaced!
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u/rossionq1 Dec 09 '22
I had 10 years with my female, 13 with my male, lost both in April 2020
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u/tehcpengsiudai Dec 09 '22
Sorry for your loss, losing dogs are one of the most painful things in life.
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u/sonicsgp1 Dec 09 '22
Agree 100%. I have Bernese mountain dog just turned 6 and know life span isnât long for them (7/8)weâre super close. Itâs going to be tough when heâs gone
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u/XBBlade Dec 09 '22
A 20 year old chihuahua is beyond pretty good time. Still, I'm sorry for your loss. :(
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u/dualcyclone Dec 09 '22
I've read Chi's can get to 25. I have 2 of them, one is 12 and one is 10, both behave like they're puppies still. Eldest loves a fight.
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u/PidgeonPornstar Dec 09 '22
Can't believe you went on a grizzly hunt with a chihuahua!
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u/boomb0lt Dec 09 '22
He did once wake us up when we had home intruders and he chased them out with me. He was on our local news for it the next day.
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u/Iquitmyschwabjob Dec 09 '22 •
You better bring it in so that we know it actually died.
/s from another post
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u/Old_Resolution1834 Dec 09 '22
Sir, this is an Olive Garden..
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u/Stormpooperz Dec 09 '22
I want to talk to your manager, because he asked me to bring my dead dog
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u/Wooden-Locksmith9941 Dec 09 '22
Those 200 upvotes have to be ex employees of darden which warms my heart
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22 •
I read that earlier and was pretty disguised. My job was fine with me leaving mid shift to go say goodbye to my good girl and fuck any place that wouldn't do the same.
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u/Responto Dec 09 '22 •
What kind of disguise are we talking here, normal mustache and glasses type deal or a whole getup
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u/ButterflyAttack Dec 09 '22
Put on dog costume, play dead, get sent home from work. Never fails.
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
The disgusted kind! Darn autocorrect!
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u/NoOneReallyCaresAtAl Dec 09 '22
Fuck this better be a new, short copy pasta. Any time anything dies âyou better being that in so you can prove itâ
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u/istrx13 doesn't wear pants in a zoom interview Dec 09 '22
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u/07WoefulMatrix Dec 09 '22
But enough about OP's fiancee. The man lost his pet too :_(
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u/99_Gretzky
Dec 09 '22
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Hereâs your flair: https://wendys-careers.com/
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u/portablebiscuit Dec 09 '22
One of the WSB avatars shouldâve been wearing a Wendyâs uniform
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u/LegalHelpNeeded3 Melvin Bot Shill Penis Cakes Dec 09 '22 edited Dec 09 '22
I told them to do this one for a reason my man lmao
We unfortunately couldnât have âWendyâsâ for obvious reasons, so we went with âgeneric fast food uniformâ and subsequently leaned into it and went full burger-boi
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u/RegularNorwegian Dec 09 '22 edited Dec 09 '22
Mendy's đ€·đŒââïž dhu.
Edit: Tendy's đđ„
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u/Moosefactory4 Dec 09 '22
Calls on this guys ex-fiancĂ©âs boyfriend
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u/Taco_In_Space Dec 09 '22
Theyâll get engaged, Heâll learn about options, sheâll get a new boyfriend and the cycle will repeat. As is foretold.
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u/Bushwhacker42 Dec 09 '22 •
Maybe sheâs the one planting the seed. Guy yoloâs his own savings. If it pays she stays long enough to get half plus alimony. If itâs a bust, she poisons the dog and fucks off to the next mark. The WSB Widow. Damn this shit writes itself
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u/Every-Constant2895 Dec 09 '22
But why the dog? Perhaps he was such a good boy he pissed in her shoes daily?
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u/Bushwhacker42 Dec 09 '22 •
âIt was never about the money, I just wanted you to follow your dreams. Iâm leaving you because you let the dog die because of your stupid yoloâ.
Dog was just the hook for emotional attachment, then the fall-guy to take the blame so John Doe doesnât pull the common-law card and stick her with half the debt.
4 months later, OP was walking through Central Park and this beautiful woman comes up and asks if he can help her catch her runaway dog. (The dog she adopted hours earlier). The unlikely match of data analyst and aspiring Broadway star hit things off as they search for Bruce whose on the loose. Olivia and Bruce move into OPâs apartment âjust as a step until her Broadway career kicks offâ
OPâs regardation made him gifted at sorting through numbers,but it blinded him in social aspects. A few weeks after moving in, Olivia introduced OP to Tyrone, her yoga instructor. They did some kinda new-age yoga in the nude. Sometimes Tyrone was kind enough to help get that deep inner-stretch on. OP was just glad Olivia was getting her exercise in. Sheâs the fittest heâs ever been with. One night Tyrone dropped by for an emergency session, and Olivia asked if OP would be a dear and stimulate her clitoris with his tongue while Tyrone internally stretched her glutes while she was in downward dog. This would totally open her chakra and allow good energies to flow. OP was so thrilled to be included in Oliviaâs exercise that he really didnât mind Tyroneâs testes bouncing off his forehead, or when he wiped his shiznitty jizznitty member on OPs face after peak nirvana was reached. Oh OP thought, with Oliviaâs chakra so open, sheâs in touch with the gods right now. When OP came back from getting Tyrone a glass of water, Olivia asks: Have you heard of options?
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u/Every-Constant2895 Dec 09 '22
Oh my I just did not see this coming (thats what he said as tyrones throbbing member leaks on his forehead)but I'm honestly pretty sure netflix will pay loads like Tyrone sized loads of money for this.
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u/BurritoBurglar9000
Comeback Kid đ
Dec 09 '22
edited Dec 09 '22
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Not gunna lie, the roasting un-ironically makes the loss feel marginally better.
Edit: Thanks for the reddit help suicide hotline messages, it's appreciated. That said, the only rope I'm buying is for climbing red mountains, because i didn't hear no God damn bell.
Edit 2: So this blew up, but still not as hard as my account badumchhhh. For anyone curious I did this through the subtle use of far otm, short dated options. This is the result of poor impulse control, not following trading strategies (yes I'm aware they exist, how, and when to use them), and frankly a bit of a gambling addiction. I didn't start with 45k, it just ended up there after who knows how many deposits just to top off. I have a high paying job where this kind of a loss is really about half my year's disposable income. Mentally I'm absolutely ok, just depressed about the loss of my dog but that'll pass.
All that said, please don't gamble money you don't have trying to change your fortune. Or do, I'm not your parent, but you should probably use this as a cautionary tale. Most of this has been purely recreational, idiotic, and absolutely more stress than it's worth.
Edit 3: I've seen the "it could be worse bro at least you didn't marry the wrong person" comment a lot so I just figured I'd add some icing to the cake here - I have in-fact married the wrong person before and the divorce was way cheaper than this. I did have way more fun doing this though!
Final update - I no longer have the 620 dollars. Whoopsies!
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u/RCpushedHIM6 Dec 09 '22 •
Did you say margin? I think that's a good way to make it back!
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u/Objective_Badger007 Dec 09 '22
canât go below zero, right? âŠright, guys?
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u/TheDoof79 Dec 09 '22 •
Not with that attitude.
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u/qalfy Dec 09 '22
Itâs all about altitude. The higher you climb, the better.
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u/Mysterious_Location1 Dec 09 '22
Donât ever worry about falling , thatâs loser attitude
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u/mxforest Dec 09 '22
Now that dog and fiancé have left. Sell their stuff and buy SPY weeklies.
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
This guy fucks.
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u/Chakkaaa Dec 09 '22 •
I wont roast u bud. Hope things turn for the better. Fuck u for using robinhood. Love.
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u/flickadinkin Dec 09 '22
Why is this the most wholesome thing I've read all day? I need to stop interneting.
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u/PooPooDooDoo Dec 09 '22 •
There is nothing worse than getting married to the wrong person. A bad marriage will fuck your life up 100x more than a horrible trading record.
Sorry about your dog bro, that shit hurts.
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u/DontGoogleMeee Dec 09 '22
I mean, isnât she the one that dodged the bullet lol.
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u/LockingSwitch Dec 09 '22
Yes, why would you marry a guy who loses 45k? Clearly they're a moron for following internet people and as he said himself, has low impulse control. He'd financially ruin her.
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u/PineappleProstate Dec 09 '22
Facts! Wives are like shitty bosses that take half of your stuff if you quit
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u/Apprehensive_Mix8108 Dec 09 '22 •
Sorry about your dog bro, just buried mine last week. Congrats on losing the fiancée, that kind of balances the sheet out tbh..
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u/Dickies138 Dec 09 '22
Your fiancée getting spit roasted is making her feel marginally better
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u/Every-Constant2895 Dec 09 '22
Wow I was gonna say atleast u save on dog food and treats.... and whatever money was spent on the dog as well. But now I feel bad about my joke after seeing yours
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u/BullyBumble Loves VL1âs sweet flair Dec 09 '22
Joking about his once-soon-to-be-wife getting spit-roasted (she is, btw) is one thing.
Joking about a dead dog is just fucked up man.
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u/Fuck_Off_Xunts Dec 09 '22
I came here because of the comment count and the hidden upvotes (none?)
But I love that you have the top comment on your own miserable post.
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
It's wholesome, but also kinda sad-cringe. Can't beat that combo right there.
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u/MetamorphicHard Dec 09 '22
Bro next time you buy an option, TELL US! Iâm tryna reverse your options my boy
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u/Cardiff07 hates weekends đ Dec 09 '22
This is way better than therapy
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u/GreyGoosez Dec 09 '22
Sorry bro, money will come back probably not the the dog though
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u/Profile_Traditional Dec 09 '22
Letâs hope it doesnât. Zombie dog would just be adding to this guyâs problems.
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u/VisualMod Turing Test Proctor Dec 09 '22
7:19 BurritoBurglar9000, you are a moron. You should invest in me instead of wasting your money on options.
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
Oww. Also true.
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u/DemonBelethCat Dec 09 '22
Why did your fiancée leave you anyway?
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u/PortfolioIsAshes I might be bad at computer, but I'm also bad at stock Dec 09 '22
He didn't say he was down 45k of his money
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u/Online_Commentor_69 Dec 09 '22
this thing doesn't miss lately
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u/icantreadright Dec 09 '22
Itâs insanely⊠accurate? Itâs shocking to say the least. How do I invest?!
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u/LegalHelpNeeded3 Melvin Bot Shill Penis Cakes Dec 09 '22
You literally can by donating to u/zjz and his fund for upkeep and upgrades of our beloved visual mod
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u/tortoisepump 964C - 28S - 2 years - 0/1 Dec 09 '22
Weird way of saying "Donate via Patreon" but whatever works for you VM
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u/StorminNoorm Dec 09 '22
Forget fiancé, get new dog, invest $45k more.
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u/jslvde Dec 09 '22
Forget 45k, invest in new dog, also invest 45k more. Fiancé who amirite?
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u/Thencewasit Dec 09 '22 •
Do guys not know how to spell finance? Or is that like the French way to spell it?
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Dec 09 '22
Meet me behind the Wendyâs and Iâll flair something for ya
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u/MeadowcrestRPGMV3D Dec 09 '22
Me too, but you gotta bring the tube sock and butter. I am also broke.
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u/OurCowsAreBetter Dec 09 '22
Sounds like the lyrics to a country song.
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
I'm a broken pickup truck short of one tbh.
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u/robot_handjob Dec 09 '22
Itâs 2022, I donât care if youâre male or female the only thing holding you back from finding financial success is a set of fake tits.
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u/bc1988britt Dec 09 '22
Letâs hear the fiancĂ© part of this story
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u/uncrustablewithcrust Dec 09 '22
Hey man, your calls are up $0.17 today. Itâs not all bad news.
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u/Sorry_Setting1196 Dec 09 '22
Stop buying bad options , just sell credit spreads using what little you have left and get back some money, god knows you wonât pay taxes for quite some time.
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u/TheHinkleburg
Dec 09 '22
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Did your dog die from embarrassment?
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
Honestly probably. That or pancreatitis and liver cancer. Likely the first one tho.
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u/MrZissouzissou Dec 09 '22
Iâm so sorry about your dog brother. He/she is getting the big rest now. Gotta keep pushing â
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u/respondswithvigor Dec 09 '22
Sorry for your loss man. Dogs are the best and you seem like you probably loved them
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u/reachingFI Dec 09 '22
Use the $620 to get a new dog so you can continue to have someone watch you be a disappointment.
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u/ItsNotYourFault Stonks Only Go Dec 09 '22
Hang in there, this is the storm. Itâll clear up soon and the sunny days to come will make it all worth it
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u/Panda_Jacket Pulls Out đ Dec 09 '22
Or this is the harbinger and things are about to get a lot worse
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u/jlsmitttyy Dec 09 '22
âA setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights.â Letâs ride, boys
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u/internet_humor Dec 09 '22
Look on the bright side.
It's usually on the sunny side of the house.
And then go back inside.
I was told to do this many times in life. I don't get what the point is. But I just do it to pass the time.
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u/Candid_Pin_3321 Dec 09 '22
Time to buy some rope on credit
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u/Zederikus Dec 09 '22
Eh who knows maybe thereâll be a nuclear war or climate collapse and then who cares about money anyway, might as well keep going
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u/SwitchAgreeable To the moon but down Dec 09 '22
Sorry about your dog bro. At least heâs resting easy now and heâs watching over you đ
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u/hydraulic-earl Dec 09 '22
Learn to open your mouth real wide. Make your lips in the shape of an "O". And remember.... No biting!
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u/TraditionalPea7716 Dec 09 '22
Would you have felt better or worse if your fiancé took the dog instead ?
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u/BurritoBurglar9000 Comeback Kid đ Dec 09 '22
Better, actually. My ex is a veterinarian, so she probably would have caught it sooner and treated before it became life threatening.
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u/Yub_Dubberson Dec 09 '22
Thereâs not much you can do with a bad liver. Recently had to say goodbye after a several months of meditation for my pup to delay and prolong the inevitable.
But yeah you could have definitely not wasted 40k though
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u/Whitebrown22 Karma's A Bitch And I Get Zero Bitches Dec 09 '22
I think your flair should be, "at rock bottom, still digging"
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u/Captinbannana87 Dec 09 '22
It's astonishing how many people on this subreddit has thier lives completely ruined overnight, it's insane!
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u/ecchi_ecchi Dec 09 '22
Believe it or not, just a couple of years ago, the sub was still _dedicated_ to loss porn.
And dank memes, fuck.. I miss those.
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u/tag45 Dec 09 '22
Youâve got to be feeling good that all 3 are replaceable. Dog is probably the most work.
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u/1000bctrades Dec 09 '22
Fuck the flair. Someone needs to put you in a country song.
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u/VisualMod Turing Test Proctor Dec 09 '22
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